Category Archives: rants

Gush! G-spotting?

So, ‘recent’ research has showed that apparently the G-spot does not exist. Or does it?
I don’t have any scientific credentials, but here is my own take on the matter:

The G-spot phenomena has been thoroughly exploited on many levels. This is nothing unusual when it comes to female anatomy and sex. While Dr. Whipple and John Perry in 1982 coined the term for a sensitive area right after the entrance of the vagina they probably could never imagine what it would lead to, in terms of hype. Let us consider how this can be and how the issues concerning female sexuality are so easily exploited and how they constructed as truths or falsifications. We can do that by looking at another part of the female body that has been considered, used, reconsidered and now even re-named. I will not at any point claim there is or is not a ‘ G-spot’ though, for that I’m not enough qualified.
But my main theme in this text is about control. The control over women’s bodies. So, let’s take the hymen as an example that has to do with female anatomy and power over women’s bodies.
It is now proven there is actually not any membrane covering the entrance of the vagina and thusly, the patriarchal invention is one of mythological proportions A mythology that still haunts our modern society as well as many other societies. I’m not going to dwell to much of the impact it has had, but let’s just say that people has died because of it, and that there is a huge business, now, in the 21st century, in to ‘restoring’ something that has not ever existed. It’s big bucks…to maintain an idea about the whore and the madonna.

For those interested, it is more of a wreath, following the anatomic contours. That is why in Sweden, they have renamed it to ‘vaginal wreath’ in order to dismantle to dangerous notion of a membrane.

Now, what the fuck has this to do with anything? Well. I would not dare to say that there is not areas within the body that react in certain ways, and that gushing does not happen. What I do doubt though, is the exact specifics of it and how it’s been used as a holy grail.In one sense we need more research, but it comes with a problem. The problem of how science can become ridden by assumptions that are not scientific. Bodies change, lust is not the same for everyone, and sexual activity is not always streamlined.
The G-spot phenomena has been an amazing thing to exploit, and also something that has benefited many women. But as many as swear by it, there is also many who claim to never found, no matter how many hooked fingers with a bit of a bent, pressuring against the wall of the vagina they have experienced.That does not mean that one is right or the other is wrong. It means that we are different, and react differently.

I soaked the sheets less than a week ago, but for years I did not understand what people were going on and on about. The toys specified for g-spotting was ridiculous. And I would not say that my gushing has anything to do with the spot and it might be that my largest objection is against the name. The Spot.
I had a reaction on a action at is was very pleasurable and fun. I had the benefit of being able to enjoy that and is that not what it comes down to? Enjoying your body in a way that gives you pleasure that is not haunted by a competition.

It can be hard though. I’ve meet so many women who have been frustrated because of their partners frustration in the quest of g-spotting. I remember a moment that I’ve classifed as the biggest turn off ever. The guy was fingering me, kinda nice, then did something with his fingers, and very smugly said “And there..!..is the G-spot.” The expecting look of his face, very much like a kid waiting to recieve an applaud for doing something, implied that I would turn into a gushing mess, screaming like a banshee while orgasming. I might add I did not. Instead, it became boring and I was annoyed. My body is not a map, or a quest. I am not a problem to solve or a puzzle to piece together.

The competition to find the map to the g-spot is utterly bonkers, not helped by porn, crap sex-industry, ill-informed advisors and wrong focus on lust and education. Not helped by bad research, ridden by old and weird assumptions of the female body and lust. Assumptions that haunts the appreciation of the male lust as well.

So, how about trying to move away from the competition, appreciate that there is an AREA inside the vagina that can react in a very distinct way, but that it is not only technique that create a reaction, it is not about a direct correlation between action and reaction? In the same way that our sex-drive is not constantly exactly the same, our sensitivity is not.
NO-ONE, NO-ONE has the right to make you or anyone else feel pressured when it comes to sexual activities. You are the person who can decide what you want, and roam around in any way that you need to make that decision. Make mistakes, laugh about them, hit the right notes and come in any way you like, but always, always remain sceptical. And you don’t ‘need’ to come. Don’t allow anyone to treat your sexuality like a problem, or non-consensually turning you into an experiment, and

For more, really, really good reading on the G-spot take a look at this link:
Yes, there is a G-spot


I’ve been bad

 

Daddy, I’ve been so bad. Not updating the blog…

No, not really. I’m just saying that all those updates I’m planning takes a bit more time than I thought. It’s worth waiting for, because we are going to be speaking about needles. We are going to look at a radical feminists argument against BDSM and pick it into pieces. And furthermore, in hopefully a not too distant future, more interviews with perverts.

So, what then?

First of all: did you know that keeping a slave makes you stay healthy?
Another site that is a bit better on keeping up to date is Island of Pain.
They report on the Sharon Warner Case, which is one of those brilliant, fucked up things that makes me sad, mad and frustrated.  I’m not going to try to put it better than it is already written:

Chavez, on the other hand, as the situation is described by Warner, seems to have mixed work ethics and lifestyle behaviour beyond what could be seen acceptable, even within the BDSM community. My opinion is that you are definitely on thin ice when you involve your graduate students in your lifestyle behaviour – Not moral reasons, but because certain dependencies issues are created, as the lines between work and lifestyle are blurred.

So, yeah, what is wrong with people who can’t see the power dynamics at play here?  Go ahead and be as kinky as you want, but let’s dwell for one second on consent. Consent, power and trust.  Thinking about those terms, that we are often playing with and then just not realising the implications of involving your students is just plain stupid. No one is judged yet, but I don’t care and have a really hard time feeling sorry for Chavez. Furthermore, as it’s said in the comments, this is not about kink. It could be, but it’s not about kink-rights.

Another stupidity is Julie Bindel’s latest rant on how horrible the trans-people are, or rather, the mutilation and distortion of gender that they portray; as well as how loud and threatening they are.  I can’t feel sorry for her. At all. She has been advocating many a important issues, but not understanding that her stance on transgendered people is so insensitive and out of touch is deserving of the award ‘Nutter of the week’.

Moving on to something completley else; the fact that we know nothing or very little about HPV (human papilloma virus). Poundcake explains it very clearly and it is indeed important to keep updated about all of these things. I want to stay healthy and do regular check-ups about every half year. It feels like a  total overhaul, like beeing a car that goes in on service. And even though I am careful it is always nervous doing the three-minute HIV test.

Tomorrow, at Trafalgar Square there will be a candle light vigil for Ian Baynham, who died after an attack in the end of september.
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2009/10/16/vigil-planned-for-gay-man-murdered-in-trafalgar-square/#
There will also be a march against homophobia in Liverpool, sometime in the end of November, following after recent homophobic attacks.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=162737774775&ref=mf

And a very hardhitting blog-entry on how the case is still not won in regards to LGBTQI-rights can be found here.


Anoya, godess of things that get stuck

The other day I wrote in my not so anonymous blog about disrespecting women (it bugs me I can’t just link to the stuff, but wouldn’t be too anonymous here then, now would it?), and I’m gonna go wild here on teh internetz and quote myself from a post about … friends … being misogynistic.

[…] My … friend … called and we talked a bit about the allowance our culture makes for misogyny, and without having read my blog (I don’t even think he has the adresse here) he casually drops into the convo that it was just a phace, by the way. I’ve stopped feeling like that. So how to handle that? I was prepared at first to  go for the thank god- never mind it all then approach. But I’m not much for forgiving things like that. Not if it doesn’t come with a big does of self analyzing and thinking. You can’t just think it’s suddenly ok because you stopped noticably feeling like that right now; because it might come back. If I tended to constantly fall over while walking outside, and then suddenly stopped for let’s say, five days, I would (hopefully) not just brush it off with it was just a phace, I walk much better now. I’d still check why I keep falling over.  […]

For quite a while he had been going on about how he distrusts women, how women are horrible sneaky manipulative bastards and so on (sometimes I felt like just shoving my vagina to the phone to remind him that I, the other half of the conversation, is female.), at the same time as claiming to be feminist. And being negative to misogyny. Hello bullshit.

This is a bit like all those lovely natural doms out there who believes in equality, and of course women should be allowed to work and vote and own property, ‘s just that my woman is fragile and can’t handle all that, so I’m disallowing it, for her sake, in my home. .. And then I’m gonna call what I do BDSM and call myself lifestyler. Instead of just admitting that I don’t like the idea of women having rights.

I am completely and utterly sure that a lot of men that claims to be doing BDSM-stuff is just using it as a cover up because they despice women, or look at women as less worthy humans. It’s somewhere around when you say of course women should have equal rights as men that I start thinking about the oncoming “,but… “.

Here are some examples with pedagogical explanations:
“Of course women should have equal rights as men,

…..but Ilike my women to be in pain when I fuck them”

There is no oxymoron here. People can be absolutly 100% equal, and still be in pain. There is no “but” necessary to carry this sentence. You know why? Because the “but” here, it sort of makes me think that the pain involved is non-consensual.

…..but in my house, I want to be the man”

Oh, ok, so being a man and accepting equal rights is not possible? Interesting.

…..but she is much better then I am on keeping track of things.”

Ok, that one wasn’t even related to BDSM, but it sneaked in there. God damn it, get a calendar! Learn how to clean! How hard could it be?

….but she likes it better when I make the decitions.”

Same thing here, seriously, that doesn’t make it unequal, since she is allowing you to make the decitions. Don’t forget that power is not something you take, but something you are given. Just switch the but and put in an and instead, and it all feels much better.

.. Ok, maybe it’s not at all like that. But hey, it’s early morning and I’m annoyed, everything is related then.

//Silia


Dear person

There is a person who is emailing me every once in a while on online community. He is annoying. He does not know what ‘no’ means, nor ‘I am not interested’. He even have many different accounts. And he is not alone. There is many men out there who do not understand when enough is enough. There is many men who do not read whats stated in someones profile regarding what I seek. And no, it’s highly unlikely that the person is so awesome that I’m going to disregard my basic standards. This song is for all of you who can’t read/don’t read/don’t get it:

For the rest of you who do, feel free to link to this post if they send you email after email and you don’t want to reply back…


Let’s get it on….Dom of D00m

Okay. I admit it. It is blogging-desert in Ves world. When I finally can, there is absolutley nothing to talk about. At all.
Or not.

I am in a ‘crisis’. No. Not economic crisis, there is no Lehman that is crashing down upon me. It is a rather personal and strange
experience, that has to do with ‘WHO THE FUCK AM I AND HOW AM I GOING TO CONTINUE TO BE ME?’. I have been topping people since…
not so long time. Since april I would say, and it is great fun. I like topping, I like the rush, the concentration, the sweat, the power, the smell, the sound,
the pushing of boundries. You name it. But I thought I knew there was a dominant there as well. I think that I am in the middle of ‘something’, a bit like a
writers’ block, in which the ideas in the head are not ready to be written yet. Computer processing…

Why is this a problem then? Well. I’ve come to the stage in which I enjoy topping but I want more. And I’m not talking about the ones I’m playing with,
I am considering my own limitations. It is like they are making me to unaware. I have not felt really dominant since…October or November? I have not felt like myself in a long time
and I don’t think I am going to rush anything. It is just…a ache and a missing that I feel, an ache to be in that specific headspace.

The last couple of weeks has been quite full of commitments that not so much taken all the time, rather than the energy plus health issues that makes play not always being first on the agenda.
I not only long to use and to hurt, to be obeyed, but I long for to be used and to be hurt. That orgasmdenial the other week was fun, and the bondage felt so good in a weird way. My cunt was getting wetter by the minute, and the rope was burning in my neck.
Wanting it all… Do you know the feeling? To do more, be more, for a longer time. I think that is what I craved and still crave, long sessions that spin my mind because they provide different sensations.

On a complete other subject. I love safe sex practices. And I love youtube. So when Durex provides awesome commercials. I must provide the links so you can watch.

Enjoy!


The monsters are coming.

Or they came, they stood in a que for 45 minutes, had a drink, had a play,flirted, got tired, got home and some of us had an infections after standing in line to get in to the venue.
Yep, that was my Halloween. Some claim AntiChrist is a brilliant club, I don’t.

I must admit that I am in a bit of a rut. What to do when studies creep up on you from behind and you start to eat like an idiot. I would say, well. Stop eating that much, get on with studies, dress up in a latexdress and feel good about having everything that you do. Well, I don’t. Sorry world, but autumn is not my thing. I don’t do it very well at all. The latex that I have was not bought for this sized body, and something needs to be done. So I lick the last out of the jar of Nutella and maybe head down to the gym.
Or that is not a maybe, it is a must.

This weekend it will be the first when my two favorite clubs clash. And I intend to go to both.

To Club Fukk because how sexy it is, because of the people you can meet in the basement of Central Station, because sleeze and hormones is in the air, along side with laughter and endless curiosity. Because it is a playspace liberated from the boring assumptions about gender and sexual practices. Because I get off on fucking in public, because it is fun and well-organised.

To Subversion because how well organised it is. Playarea, plenty of seating, good dancefloor. And always some interesting play to look at or feels comfortable enough to have a good play. It is more purely a fetish/bdsm club with no couples room, easy to socialise and always friendly people. And it is just around the corner from where I live.
The weekend is going to be hot, and before the weekend I plan on getting out of this rot and get life going. Somehow.

And oh. This is hilarious. And I start to dribble when seeing muscles tensed like that. And laugh my head off because of the rest.


PUA? Come on people..

Silia:

Today has been one of those nostalgia travels through the Internet, and I ended up reading tips and tricks from the seduction base, one the site that shows men on how to pick up girls, you know, The Game style. PUA:s.

Frankly, I have quite a lot to say about this community, I’m gonna give you a bit of a taste:

1. If you never get laid, you were not meant to get laid.

2. If you would stop looking at women like trofées , your lifes would be so much more fun, AND you would get more sex.

3. Don’t go for the tens, only reason they have sex with you is because they are blind and desperate, they wouldn’t poke you with a stick if they had brains bigger then a caterpillars. Incidentally, the girls you hit on don’t have that. But of course, if you like fucking larvae, go ahead.

4. I’ve had people trying this techniques on me. They have never worked. I’m not a ten, but the reason for them not working, is the guys trying them not even being a six. And trust me, if that neg is going to get you any pussy, you better be a damn ten and a half.

Lesson in life: The neg works on girls with the ego of a world power, the brain of a caterpillar and the looks of a playboy model (which, incidentally, is quite not-sexy, in my eyes.). It does not work on someone who is generally out of your league, or a ten in comparison to everyone else in the room. She’ll just think that you’re a wanker with an out of proportion ego. If she is like me, she will very likely fix this issue for you, by telling you so in various multi-syllable words that you will have to write down on a note and bring home for mom to translate.

So, to make a long story short, I hate The Game. It makes damn stupid and annoying men think that they can hit on me. I’m not a ten, and I do not have the brains of a caterpillar. Please, get out of my sight.

Also, the combination of the caterpillar brain and abfab looks is important. Why? Because no woman with half a brain and such astonishing features would even visit the same country as you.

Please, please keep in mind. If you do not get laid without using PUA-tricks, then maybe, just maybe you weren’t meant to reproduce.

Yes, that about defines exactly how horrible I am.
The abfab hot girl that I’m dating a bit at the moment pointed out that it’s easy for me to say this, since I’m as close to a PUA as you can get without being a complete wanker. (She didn’t say that, she just said that “The reason you think so is because you do get laid, think of all the people who doesn’t, maybe they are really nice people”, and I tried, I tried so bad, not to respond “Well, if they were so nice, how come nobody wants them? Are you promoting sleeping with ugly stupid people with crap personalities, just because underneath all that, there is a heart of gold? I have better things to do on Saturday nights then take pity on people” because that would have just proved that I am a total wanker. So I just said something like “oh, you might have a point, but still, you know.. “)

Example of what I find stupid and poor about the whole thing (Who, I wonder, WHO needs this instructions?):
Tadaa

I know I’m supposed to be loving and fun and so on, but I’m sorry, it’s just not me. Ve writes about that in the last post (no, i’m damn well not interlinking them, scroll down people, I know you can), and it’s nice that she can be happy about it. I can’t seem to ignore the fact that the idiots are everywhere. One bad egg ruins blah blah, and so on. Well, you can always think about us like some sort of ying and yang. If it wasn’t for the fact that I think that all that “eastern wisdom” is complete crap. Yeah, you figured that already didn’t you. If hell ever freezes over, I promise I’ll try yoga. Until then I’ll stick to cigarettes and alcohol thank you.


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