On a lighter subject

Hi again everyone! I know I haven’t written in a long time, but I guessed you’d let me come back anyway. I know you are all kind and nice, aren’t you?

So many things has happened, mostly, I’ve moved and started a new job and sort of started a new life, just temporarily. It’s nice. The weirdest thing is that at the same time I really really tried to extract myself from the BDSM-scene, and started dating people who smelled vanilla, and ended up here. Where? In a undefined sexual and emotional relationship with a defined male person who most definitly isn’t vanilla. He pretended to be at first, but that was just because he thought I was. Turns out he is a complete beginner when it comes to the tastier types of sexayh and I’m suddenly the teacher. Me?

This gives rise to a set of problems. First: None of us is the latex/pvc/red and black corsettes and heels-types, none of us likes the BDSM-scene. It makes it really hard to introduce BDSM-terms, like safewords and safespaces and whatnots. Suddenly they are accutely needed, and I’m trying my hardest to show and tell him the hows and whys’ (mind the organ belt, honey, and so on) without making it sound like some macramé-workshop for singles in their late 50′s. Since none of us wants to be part of the BDSM-world, it’s hard to introduce him to instructive websites or litterature. It would just feel silly. He would just be turned off.

I’ve managed to install safewords though, only problem is that I probably need to change them, I opt for pause and cut, because I never normally use those, but to him, those words still makes him want to push. With other words, we need a non-sexy word. Like macramé or whatever. But the further away from sex we get wordvice, the harder for me to say.

Second problem: He is extremely strong. This is incredibly hot, off course, but, it’s also seriously dangerous. He is a beginner and doesn’t know the limits of my body (neither do I for that), and since he is a lot stronger than me, if I’d actually need to make him physically stop, I can’t. I can’t just punch him in the face and shove him off me. I’m scared it’ll get out of hand and he will harm me by mistake.

Third problem: How do I explain the concept of afterglow? That afterwards, if the sex has been very intense, I need to be reassured for a while? Without sounding like a demanding idiot?

Yeah, lot’s of problems there.

The interesting part about it is that dealing with a newbie gives me insight in an unpoluted mind, and trust me, he comes up with the good stuff, and this without ever watching any porn or having surfed around the internet for BDSM-stuff. I’m really curious where this will lead.

All I need now, is a way of talking about the sex we have, without making it sound like the sex we actually have. Any ideas?

Iceland, dix point

Iceland, dix point!

1980, the people of Iceland chose the first female president. Now, after Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson had to step down after the country’s financial collapse, their new prime minister is Johanna Sigurdardottir. Yes, she is a woman, but she is also the first openly gay head of state in the whole world.
And we love it!

Go PM Sigurdardottir!

epic fail lesbianism

This one goes out to the danish guy who threatened me to show the blog to people if I don’t write something. Yes yes, I know him in real life. You know, the world out there.

Much have happened since I actually wrote something here, and that is off course also the reason that I haven’t written for a while. First thing that happened is that I have now officially decided to flee the BDSM-scene. Why? Because there are just too many arrogant wankers around. I can’t stand it anymore. I admit it: I’d rather have half assed vanilla sex with someone who asks if it hurts when I moan, then I ever have sex with any of the men I’ve talked to inside the bdsm-scene. (99.8% because of said wankyness, and 0.2% because we are friends and it would feel weird. This paranteses is a disclaimer)

There is off course nothing wrong about being an utter disgrace for the human race and act like a complete fucktard. Not at all. There is plenty of other people who are fucktards too, but please hang out with your own crowd? Know your limits.

I’m stupid enough to think that if someone is hitting on me, they think they actually have a chanse and they have based this assumtion on some sort of understandings of social structures, human to human interaction and so on. So I generally give people a chanse. Big mistake in the bdsm-world. I mean, yes I have been approached by people who is way under my level when it comes to looks, but I assumed that if you were ugly and approached someone who looked better then you it was because you knew you had a winning personality. But it doesn’t work like that in cat’o'nine-world, nooo. Here people approach you solemnly based on sucidial desperation. I can see it in their minds: “OOh, lookit female, she wants to trample me/drink my urine/be whipped till she cries, I can see it on her, I mean she IS in the same room/city/continent as me, and we all know what that means *gner gner*”.

The best ones are the dominant males who sends you e-mails telling you that something in your presentation isn’t grammatically correct. And then getting angry with you because you answer back at them. Yes, it happened the other day and it was the last drop. Theres idiots in vanilla land too, but they are so much more easily avoided.

My latest project now has been to sleep with a guy from the caribs (west india),  his idea of gender roles are so old school that to me, it’s almost D/s role play. I think that this might be the lovely middle rode for me. Sleep with strange people instead of BDSM, and I still get my dose of sexual weirdness.

Oh yes, the trylesbianism. It didn’t work, at all. I’m sorry to say it, but I can’t have a relationship with someone who dislikes heterosexuals. Or thinks bisexuals have it easy. I am officially fail at hanging out with lesbians. Or at least that type of lesbian. This isn’t the first time I hear this either. And it bugs me.
Just because you are an oppressed minority, that doesn’t give you the right to oppresse another minority now does it.
So I gave up, and went on to converting one of Ves friends from straight to bi instead. That was fun. I think it works better for me to just have relationships or such with other bisexuals.

So, not that much ranting, just a normal little blog-thingie. But at least, we are back:D.

The monsters are coming.

Or they came, they stood in a que for 45 minutes, had a drink, had a play,flirted, got tired, got home and some of us had an infections after standing in line to get in to the venue.
Yep, that was my Halloween. Some claim AntiChrist is a brilliant club, I don’t.

I must admit that I am in a bit of a rut. What to do when studies creep up on you from behind and you start to eat like an idiot. I would say, well. Stop eating that much, get on with studies, dress up in a latexdress and feel good about having everything that you do. Well, I don’t. Sorry world, but autumn is not my thing. I don’t do it very well at all. The latex that I have was not bought for this sized body, and something needs to be done. So I lick the last out of the jar of Nutella and maybe head down to the gym.
Or that is not a maybe, it is a must.

This weekend it will be the first when my two favorite clubs clash. And I intend to go to both.

To Club Fukk because how sexy it is, because of the people you can meet in the basement of Central Station, because sleeze and hormones is in the air, along side with laughter and endless curiosity. Because it is a playspace liberated from the boring assumptions about gender and sexual practices. Because I get off on fucking in public, because it is fun and well-organised.

To Subversion because how well organised it is. Playarea, plenty of seating, good dancefloor. And always some interesting play to look at or feels comfortable enough to have a good play. It is more purely a fetish/bdsm club with no couples room, easy to socialise and always friendly people. And it is just around the corner from where I live.
The weekend is going to be hot, and before the weekend I plan on getting out of this rot and get life going. Somehow.

And oh. This is hilarious. And I start to dribble when seeing muscles tensed like that. And laugh my head off because of the rest.

Trylesbian

Hi, my name is silia and I’m trying to give up men.

This sounds a bit silly I know, but there is a good reason. I’ve completely lost respect for the opposite sex. Why? Because they are simple and easy and just generally bleh. I figured if I quit having emotional relationships or continious sexual relationships (MTONS, More Than One Night Stands) with them I might be able to get myself into liking them again, at least liking them as people.

This is really the backside of my life, I’ve started objectifying men. I see them as tools, cathegorized as Sex or Not sex, depending on fuckability rating. And I don’t want to be like that.

I had a poetry reading yesterday at a café, I talked a bit about the fact that i still have sex with men, not because i like them or that they in any way turn me on, but just because they are so easy. It got a ragged cheer.
I’m not sure how to talk to the abfab girl about this, since it is a bit well, it does make it sound like I’m with her just to get a new shot at being with a man. It’s not like that in any way, it’s two separate things, but I can see things getting misinterpretated. It is quite hard and interesting trying to form some sort of emotional relationship that is both queer and steps away from mono-norms and even poly-norms in a way. I still need to figure out if I want to go against to poly-norm and opt for complete relationship anarchism. It would be nice but I actually like labels sometimes. I want to be able at some point to say “this is my girlfriend”. (Not yet, but at some point in the future, ok?) Just for the sake of the thing, maybe just because I want proof that this is something more. More than what? Because now we are back in the same thing again, I want to value somethings more than others and it is wrong wrong wrong.

The whole point is that friends and lovers should be alike. But its hard. I, like everyone else, wants to know that I’m special. Unique. The one she prefers infront of others. Thats just shit. I should just be happy that I have her from time to time. But being human is to be greedy and I just want more.

Ve wrote a bit about Vanilla earlier and I gotta comment.. She wrote:
“And to be really honest. I would probably not coming out on this kind of scene if I hadn’t moved to London. I would probably still be lingering in vanilla land where every touch is half of what it can be, where every soft kiss is a understated bite in the neck. I will freely admit that I do vanilla, that I am tactile and caring, cause some vanillas out there seem to think something else.”

Where every touch is half of what it can be. And here I am and really really want to call Ve in London and scream that Curse you its damn well not half! Because it isnt.
If there is something BDSM-people has to learn, it’s the fact that they haven’t found the holy grail of sex, they’re not better lovers and they are not above the vanillas. They are just different. And also possibly a little bit fucked up. I should know, I am one. I mean, what is more ok, to get turned on by someone caressing your neck, or someone trying to suffocate you? I like them both equally, but I am very well aware of which one is socially acceptable, and also WHY the other one isn’t as ok.
Vanilla sex is not half of BDSM-sex, it is just as much and just as good. That cat’o'nine is not magic and does not turn you into superlover deluxe.

I had great vanilla sex, I had crap vanilla sex. I had boring sessions being hogtied, and I had scary sessions and good ones. But the bad vanilla sex never once got as bad as the scary sessions. (If we for the sake of the argument exclude rape, because the session wasn’t rape.) I mean, bad vanilla is more of the sort “Oh no, ouch, not there, my god i can’t even feel him any more” and so on. A bad session? That was more of a “ok, I’m panicking, can’t talk and he doesnt listen for FUCK SAKE I’ll fucking kill him soon get me the FUCK out of here.”. I’ve never tried to punch someone in the face during vanilla.