Okay. I admit it. It is blogging-desert in Ves world. When I finally can, there is absolutley nothing to talk about. At all.
I am in a ‘crisis’. No. Not economic crisis, there is no Lehman that is crashing down upon me. It is a rather personal and strange
experience, that has to do with ‘WHO THE FUCK AM I AND HOW AM I GOING TO CONTINUE TO BE ME?’. I have been topping people since…
not so long time. Since april I would say, and it is great fun. I like topping, I like the rush, the concentration, the sweat, the power, the smell, the sound,
the pushing of boundries. You name it. But I thought I knew there was a dominant there as well. I think that I am in the middle of ‘something’, a bit like a
writers’ block, in which the ideas in the head are not ready to be written yet. Computer processing…
Why is this a problem then? Well. I’ve come to the stage in which I enjoy topping but I want more. And I’m not talking about the ones I’m playing with,
I am considering my own limitations. It is like they are making me to unaware. I have not felt really dominant since…October or November? I have not felt like myself in a long time
and I don’t think I am going to rush anything. It is just…a ache and a missing that I feel, an ache to be in that specific headspace.
The last couple of weeks has been quite full of commitments that not so much taken all the time, rather than the energy plus health issues that makes play not always being first on the agenda.
I not only long to use and to hurt, to be obeyed, but I long for to be used and to be hurt. That orgasmdenial the other week was fun, and the bondage felt so good in a weird way. My cunt was getting wetter by the minute, and the rope was burning in my neck.
Wanting it all… Do you know the feeling? To do more, be more, for a longer time. I think that is what I craved and still crave, long sessions that spin my mind because they provide different sensations.
On a complete other subject. I love safe sex practices. And I love youtube. So when Durex provides awesome commercials. I must provide the links so you can watch.