A second loveletter; or ‘Of course I’m bloody nervous!’

Here is the first loveletter
Tomorrow, or today, I’m doing a class with Kinoko Hajime, a shibari/kinbaku star, who is visiting London for the London Festival of the art of Japanese Bondage.

Amongst workshops, shows and art, this movie is going to be shown, a movie well worth watching, at least for me who does not have much insight in to the japanese ropeculture.

And yes, I am really nervous, on many levels. First of all, I don’t think I do shibari nor kinbaku. I rope people up and while I sometimes get roped in a style that can be described as shibari or kinbaku, I am not even close to that, even if I might like myself to be just that. I can’t say that I have a style, only intentions and a love for everything that happens when rope is close. And it kind of feels alright, because in the same time I want to learn. So tomorrow is going to be about learning, soaking up as much as I can, and NOT hammering myself for being in-experienced.
If I can get rid of this cold, and my own silly thoughts about my inferiority, this amazing weekend ahead, should be everything I want it to be.

As a good student, I’ve been trying to see who Hajime is and what’s his thoughts about what he does is. I found this at the SM-detective and some movies here. And there is something about his style that is just plainly *kapaow*. But it is not only about style, it is about content, context and heart. Now, I don’t use chopsticks, but I so know what he means when he says this:

“Objects that are touched daily develop a soul (tamashi). I touch my rope as much as I touch my chopsticks–every day. It is as if my senses and nerves run through the rope and I can feel as if the rope is an extension of my own senses. As I tie the model I can feel her heartbeat. I can feel what she is thinking. I can feel her sweat via the rope. If my model is struggling with something, or had suffered something bad I can feel that. Many times she ends up feeling very well afterwards, but I have to throw up.”
Kinoko Hajime

It is there that I want to be.to arrive at that point and continually travelling. And it is is more, it is like an alphabet. An extension of my hands and my body A tactile, almost wordless alphabet I almost can’t do without, or want to do without. It is a conversation, a room, a space, a time, a language and more or one will.

It drives me to do more, to feel, to know the ropes, to trace ropemaps over my body or someone else’s body.
It is the jute in a neat coil before, and in a messy pile afterwards. It is the sweat, the loud silence and the thing that silence my thoughts and overloaded mind. It is the fuzz that can be seen on black fabric.
It is about sleeping with the head on the pillow and the jute next to me, feel the smell and wake up with the feeling of them next to me.

Shortly, it is everything I want  to be and it is so much that I long for.

Here’s for an amazing weekend ahead!


One response to “A second loveletter; or ‘Of course I’m bloody nervous!’

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