I’m pushed down on my knees, endorphins flowing so fast I can hear a buzz in my ears. He has traced the gun slowly over my body, and now I can feel the cold metal at the back of my neck. Two minutes ago, I still knew that it was not real, it could not be, he would not do it. He would…not..
But there is doubt now, an that doubt has transformed in to fear, and the fear makes me believe that it is just a matter of a fraction of a second before his hand will tense slightly to pull the trigger. But I can’t do anything about it, I can’t stand up, all of my defences are down, shackled or held in uncomfortable positions. The metal handcuffs make every movement into a struggle. I never want to leave this place. I feel like I am never going to leave, that this space is the last that I will inhabit…. And that realization makes everything perfect, as I wait for his next move.