Tag Archives: roleplay

Sunday and Monday classes- Shibaricon 2011

So, after a couple of days at the convention, I was taking it a bit slower, only attending a couple of more classes. One of these were Wykd Dave‘s class on tension. It was a pleasure to attend this class, in which the core concept boiled down to ‘Do not loose the tension’. Or more over, do not let go of the rope. If there is something that you can see with all great riggers is that the rope continuously flow through their hands, almost seemless in its movement , one hand follows the other, constantly holding and controlling but also following the rope; a mix between control, tension and movement.
The element of tension is probably often forgotten when a pattern of a tie is learned, because the focus is so much on where the rope should go, instead of how it which should go there. That essentially means that if you let go of the rope, the tie itself quite often looses its integrity. So all those nice things that you perhaps build, you loose when the rope loose contact with your hand (unless you need to/have to/intend to). Dave also pointed out how different types of tension gives different kinds of sensations and impressions of the experience of the rope. So it is not just about the practicality of the tie, but if you let go of the rope, you essentially let go of the person you are tying.

One of the things Dave demonstrated which I found was very interesting was the baseline of his way of tying, a beat making it fluid and consistent, but never boring. It made so much sense to see how he had almost a beat in the pace he was tying. If you remember the Saturday cabaret, Daves tying made jaws drop towards the floor, and his system of flows, tensions and the connection he has to his wonderful partner, Clover is truly worth to study. Clover is also an extremely talented photographer who work together with Dave as a rigger.

The last class on Sunday was Lochai’s Speed Bondage. Again a class which was really well presented, clear and focussed. I especially liked it because of  my poor spatial skills, something which I need to work on. Lochai pointed how the speed is not about how you tie, but the preparations that one makes, both in terms of one self, the rope, the environment around you and how to keep aware of these and what it means to keep these factors in mind.

Play followed on the Sunday evening, such as the experience of an inverted one ankle suspension, but also much more. I think Monday was one of those almost unreal days, as it by then had been so many days of rope. It was almost like there was no outside world, like this was a world we could live in, and continue to live in. Sadly, it was also the last day of the con, and it felt like my body had gone through a marathon. Aches and tensions, but those that you get from really good play, rather than the disconcerting kind. Needless to say, I wanted to be a responsible adult (hrm) and take a class which could probably benefit my knowledge as a member of the Peer Rope London crew. That was why I attended Graydancers, RACK roleplay class in the morning. This was really, really good, both on a personal and ‘professional’ level. I don’t know if this is the case in the U.S because you seem to have so many classes and talks and a general discourse which constantly seems to be centrered around communication skills, but in the U.K and Sweden we talk a lot about the importance of communication and action, but not really how. And dear god, we need it.

Graydancer had set up a couple of different scenarios that was to be played out. The scenarious would challenge those involved with the scene to think about safety, communication, outside factors, all of those things that can jeopardize the safety of a scene. Suddenly, I’m about to be a rigger that has to stay in control of an over-zealous dungeon monitor, a grumpy and slightly unruly sub and a scene that is, well, hardly allowed to start. The unruly sub was the wonderful Naiia, and the DM was a man who kept asking me questions about everything from the rope to the hardpoint. Lets just say it is easier to shut a sub up, than steering off a DM who is (in the roleplay) not knowledgeable about rope. The brain was really going full out to deal with it all. At one point, when the DM came up and I responded to him, I placed myself automatically between him and Naiia, as if I was the physical barrier between them. This was pointed out afterwards by someone, and I kind of had not realised I was doing that, but it felt good such a move is so ingrained into my spine.  It could be because of the nature of some of the clubs that I go to, such as TG, in which one really has to be hyperaware of wandering hands, and actively guard your play-partner. In the end, I have the responsibility to  make who ever I play with feel safe and if that means stearing off wandering hands, or automaticallyput myself between the sub and an intruder (who ever they are) I will.

As Gray broke the role-play, we got feedback and constructive criticism. And this is something which is really unusual on the scene, to get a review of the good and the bad things. Some of them, like my potentially poor spatial awareness, I had already noted, but other stuff was fairly new to me. One of the interesting things that was said, was how it was pointed out that  I did not react stronger when the ‘DM’ picked up the rope. And it really struck me how slack I’ve gone with that, and how silly it is to not mark that it is not ok for any non-consensual touch what so ever. I’ve often found myself getting slightly annoyed with having my stuff rumaged through (like the odd “what kind of rope do you use?” and the person pick up a coil without asking) but not knowing why. And it became clear that these ropes and the stuff I use are under my control, they are that which is so important to what I do, but also what they are. I need to know that the ropes are in the same condition as when I left them, need to know where everything is, and for god’s sake, it is my bloody stuff!

The other role-plays were one about negotiation for a scene and then seeing how much a playspace would get out of control before a rope-bottom would call it a day.
The negotiation was interesting, as it did not focus that much on ‘I want to do A, B and C’ but rather on ‘Who are you and how are you feeling?’. The general interest in a suspension was established, and who would be doing what, but then it became more about the relationships DNGG was in, such as other partners attending the same event. Who else but her would one have to consider? What kind of closeness and intimacy is ok? Any sexual contact? Any medical history? Et cetera et cetera. All of this was so bloody good to hear, and to pick the bones carefully, it also made the feedback afterwards really good, as it showed that it is quite good to be specific and clear in both questions and answers while ‘negotiating’ (hate that word sometimes!). So if the question is about sexual contact, make sure what you both understand as being ‘sexual contact’, what does that entail? Also, specific questions in regards to health and safety are good. Instead of a general; “Do you have any medical problems?” ask specifically about arms, legs, diabetes, history of fainting/nausea, back problems, or even about the last time they were in the hospital. Old injuries, or not even that old are easily forgotten, and it is when prompted to think about that part of your body that it might trigger a memory. And note, these are questions to ask both the top and the bottom!

The last roleplay was one in which a rope-bottom that was to be suspended suddenly had everything from puppies, people speaking loudly and commenting upon the scene to a group of littles sitting and loudly singing. Suffice to say, it was hard to not laugh and while really admiring the lovely rope-bottom who just took it in with such serenity. Following the scen came a discussion that was about trust, limits and safety, mainly in relation to when a bottom/submissive feel they are not safe or in a situation which could go out of control. Here my mental notes actually are completely blurred, so if anyone remember what we spoke about more specifically, please feel free to comment and I can update this section.

As a final part of this class we sat down, divided into one group for tops/dominants, one for submissives/bottoms and one for the switches. We were asked to note down a scenario which could stand for a problem that we, as switch, dom or sub could encounter, and that could be role-played. These scenarios were then the last discussions in a class which I would have loved to have more time to engage with, as it was a really good work-shop. Apparently it was also the first time Gray had given the class, and I’m seriously considering bringing it to the U.K as it raised so many good questions, answers and scenarios to work with.

The last class of Shibaricon 2011 was one with Midori. But this turned rather special and I think it has to be written in a separate post. Stay tuned!


The mischievous one

This is a part of a massive backlog of posts from my part. I’m not going to actually apologize about not writing this time. University is on the last term, I’ve got a dissertation to write as well as a number of other assignments. Thusly, life is crazy, but after a visit from a friend I felt like writing a small bit or two.

I will call her Bird, and that is not because I feel like being a sexist, misogynist dickhead, but because she is really a fluttering,singing (or mostly giggling), shy, but still mischievous creature.After her visit I really felt the need to writing something about D/S and how it has hit some buttons lately. Bird is a girl (self-identified as such) whom I have played with before. She visited the other weekend, and the visit lifted my spirits immensly. Not only is she incredibly smart and funny, honest, open and kind, but also kinky, loving rope and a very je ne sais quio that follows her into her play.

Her love of rope (and cages) as well as the spirit which follows her approach to play is something that I don’t meet every day. I guess it is about that elusive connection that everyone seem to be talking about, including myself.
And then, it could also be that I’m just developing something of a small crush on this girl.

Anyhow, she came to visit, traveling from Sweden and landed in London. We where supposed to attend a club in the evening, but instead ended up at a friends place. Now, this friend of mine is hellbent on owning every kit there is in the world or has ever existed.
A part of this kit consist of a cage, a big, sturdy black cage and when Bird noticed it,she had such a smile on her face it was impossible to ignore, and impossible to not put her in it. But the thing is that she needs a strict tone of voice or physically force to fully obey, even if that order that she is supposed to obey is something that she wish for to happen. Said and done, when she had actually relaxed enough to not expect it, I gripped the back of her neck and pushed into the cage.
After a while the locked collar, the mitts, the locked cage caught up with her, so did the bowl which was filled with appropriate content.

When she was let out I realized what I’ve always thought, but needed to be reminded of, and that is that the play which resonates most strongly within me is that which put focus on the interpersonal action, the dialogue and reflexivity between the play-partners.
I usually don’t do very much animal role-play. I look at it and understand its dynamics, but usually finding myself playing a role rather than feeling the roles of me and the playpartners.  Which is for, me, different from the artificiality, an artificiality that can come with a lack of experience/knowledge, as well as a general disinterest. But stubborn as I am, I like to change that. But how to find scripts that are not forced down the performative throat? And what is the authentic anyway and how can it be different from the artificial?

Everyone can’t do everything. No one needs to do anything that they do not wish to, but when all of this happened on its own terms it was bloody brilliant. It seemed right at that point, right there and then to do these scenes.

A couple of days later, when we had our last evening together, we went out to have some sushi, and then onwards to one of my favorite places for various drinks and dessert. While there, we had some dessert, which turned into one of those amazing D/S situations, one of those I crave, but find myself so rarely in.

Cheekily, I said that I was going to feed Bird the dessert. She was good and did not start on the sticky toffee pudding until I said she could taste the ice-cream that came with it. She obeys, and then I tell her it is fine to try out the pudding as well, but no sauce.
After this, I take the plate away from her, place some pudding, ice-cream and sauce on the spoon and slowly feed her. The restaurant is half-empty and to an outsider it would seem like we are just a regular couple enjoying something sweet on a Monday evening. She is still looking around, as if they could read what is on her mind. I smile, and tell her that she can eat the rest, but is not allowed to make a mess. We continue eating, talking about the past event, her first experience of suspensions, the days in London and her thoughts about life and all that jazz, smiling and laughing.  My sorbet slips from  the spoon, a move that a cheeky sub named Bird picks up and commenting on my sloppy eating that is making a mess. I first smile at her, then stop, looking at her straight in the eyes, and for a second she looks back, and then looking down at her plate, with the look of shame written all over her face.  I laugh at this point, because it is clear to me that she really wants the rest of the pudding. Which I can understand, cause it was really, really delicious. and  so I stretch myself over the table, place one hand on the right cheek, and then quickly slaps the left one with my other hand.
She flinches, saying I can’t do that in the restaurant. I can and do it again, this time a bit harder, and no one has noticed.

I lean back into the chair, looks her straight in the eyes and tell her to take some of the ice-cream that is left on her plate on her finger and smudge it around her mouth. She fails at the first attempt, instead licking of the white and cold ice-cream of her finger, but after another look into her eyes, she slowly does as I say, squirming, trying to hide as much as possible, while still keeping appearances in the restaurant, avoiding to look into my eyes, asking me to be allowed to remove the ice-cream. I tell her no, and order her to continue eating her dessert in the state that she is now in. She does, and after a couple of more bites, I tell her it is now okay to wipe the vanilla ice-cream off her face.

When she does, I realize that even if it only been a couple of minutes, the whole scene had felt like a long, continuous moment of extreme focus. I did not know what was about to happen, it only did, but as we smiled towards each other, her still with a slight blush on the both of her cheeks, I told her while giggling I always had wanted to do something like that.

It rains a London rain when we leave the restaurant, the rain that finds it way inside of your clothes, but it is okay anyway. We cuddle up hugging each other. And I can’t think anything else than it was a perfect reminder of the DS elements that I seek, and that she is very, very special to me.




Gangsters and Molls, by Rolands Revue


We are walking down the road, I’m holding his arm and look in front of me. I’m following him, trying to not put too much weight on his arm and being aware of every move I make, listening to the small signals showing me which direction to go. There is people staring. My underwear restrict my movement slightly, make me walk differently, altering my posture, the pearls feels cool against the skin and the tightfitting gloves are perfect, enclosing my hands in a way that make me feel slightly from a different time and a different place.
We are on our way to a friends place and have been prepping during the afternoon and evening. There is something special about what we are doing right now, because Electronic Doll is in drag and doing his gangsterpersonae justice. The wrapping and packing is perfect, and the bulge in his trousers, albeit created with the help of a packing project, makes perfect sense.  And people are staring, and I come to think of all those stories of butch-femme couples that are passing as a straight couple, or all of those butch-femme couples that don’t pass, and it’s not just me who seem to be thinking about this. Electronic Doll seem to be aware of this as well, and we are both reading each other and our environment.

But I guess it is impossible to not flaunt what one got. So I just have to correct my stockings a bit, and he sits slumped back, with that kind of attitude that can just come from really, really good drag. We flirt, giggle, move in and out of characters like chameleons, discuss the potential of chameleons and I point out, as a true jealous girlfriend that I hope there will be no drama during the evening, that he will keep his cock in his trousers, to which he respond that he has never given me any promises what so ever. I know the game is on.
This is not something that I usually do, roleplay with that type of dynamic. I’m not very good at keeping in character, and find that my focus if off, but good god it is fun.

The party is awesome, meeting up with friends I’ve not seen for a while and drinking and chatting and dancing and laughing.  In a moment with some downtime, I sit down in his lap, we talk and then I can’t help but note how he got some lipstick on his mouth. And I explode, I feel angry and fed up and with a sour voice I let him know it.  How he can’t keep his cock in his trousers if he even tried. But he does not like to hear it, and pushing me, and I push back and suddenly we are on our feet fighting and shouting. My heels, the heaps of pearls I’m wearing around my neck, the underwear I’m wearing, all makes it impossible to fight back properly. In no time, I’m pushed against the wall, trying to get away but can’t, Electronic Doll telling me to appologize. And I can’t, my mouth is shut and I continue to struggle, he holds me tighter and there is a little something that breaks me there, but I have no idea what it is. A slight feeling of humiliation, excitement and adrenaline, he let’s me go with the words ‘Go and clean yourself up’. And I can hardly do that either, walking away on shaky legs, with a sense of shame burning on my cheeks.

The Lies about the Lies, part 2

First part by Xzenu Cronström Beskow can be found here.

To recap, the ten lies that Melissa Farley claims to uncover, are:

  1. 1. Pain is pleasure; humiliation is enjoyable; bondage is liberation.
    2. Sadomasochism is love and trust, not domination and annihilation.
    3. Sadomasochism is not racist and anti Semitic even though we “act” like slave owners and enslaved Africans, Nazis and persecuted Jews.
    4. Sadomasochism is consensual; no one gets hurt if they don’t want to get hurt. No one has died from sadomasochistic “scenes.”
    5. Sadomasochism is only about sex. It doesn’t extend into the rest of the relationship.
    6. Sadomasochistic pornography has no relationship to the sadomasochistic society we live in. “If it feels good, go with it.” “We create our own sexuality.”
    7. Lesbians “into sadomasochism” are feminists, devoted to women, and a women-only lesbian community. Lesbian pornography is “by women, for women.”
    8. Since lesbians are superior to men, we can “play” with sadomasochism in a liberating way that heterosexuals can not.
    9. Re-enacting abuse heals abuse. Sadomasochism heals emotional wounds from childhood sexual assault.
    10. Sadomasochism is political dissent. It is progressive and even “transgressive” in that it breaks the rules of the dominant sexual ideology.

Part 2: The Strawman Sadomasochist
To some extent, all ten points listed in part one are to some extent a “Strawman Political” version of sadomasochists. In this part I will focus on six points where this “Strawman sadomasochist” is the main problem, while the next part will instead deal with the four points where the main problem is radical feminist dogmatism.

1. Pain is pleasure; humiliation is enjoyable; bondage is liberation.

For some people, the RIGHT kind of pain in the right degree and context can indeed be enjoyable. Same thing goes for humiliation and for being tied up with ropes – which is what the word “bondage” refers to in a BDSM context. (BDSM stands for sadomasochistic sexual practices: Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.)

During my decades of experience with the BDSM scene, I have *never* encountered a person who claims that all pain is enjoyable. However, I have often encountered this stereotype among people who are prejudiced against sadomasochists and their BDSM practices.

It is also worth noticing that this first point of Farley’s is homage to the novel 1984 and the propaganda of the evil regime in that novel: “War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength.” The problem here is not the homage itself, but that she attributes it to the sadomasochists. The strawman sadomasochist she is “exposing” have more in common with the villains of children’s comic books, standing on mountaintops shouting “Muahaha, I’m EVIL!” to the raging thunderstorm, then it has in common with actual people. I assume that Farley has made up the ten points herself, incorrectly presenting her prejudice against sadomasochists as if it was the actual opinions of actual sadomasochists. If the list actually do come from someone who claim to be a sadomasochist, and Farley has not twisted the words or ripped them out of context, then Farley has indeed been extremely lucky with finding a source that is easy to mock. Continue reading