Tag Archives: sex ed

Gush! G-spotting?

So, ‘recent’ research has showed that apparently the G-spot does not exist. Or does it?
I don’t have any scientific credentials, but here is my own take on the matter:

The G-spot phenomena has been thoroughly exploited on many levels. This is nothing unusual when it comes to female anatomy and sex. While Dr. Whipple and John Perry in 1982 coined the term for a sensitive area right after the entrance of the vagina they probably could never imagine what it would lead to, in terms of hype. Let us consider how this can be and how the issues concerning female sexuality are so easily exploited and how they constructed as truths or falsifications. We can do that by looking at another part of the female body that has been considered, used, reconsidered and now even re-named. I will not at any point claim there is or is not a ‘ G-spot’ though, for that I’m not enough qualified.
But my main theme in this text is about control. The control over women’s bodies. So, let’s take the hymen as an example that has to do with female anatomy and power over women’s bodies.
It is now proven there is actually not any membrane covering the entrance of the vagina and thusly, the patriarchal invention is one of mythological proportions A mythology that still haunts our modern society as well as many other societies. I’m not going to dwell to much of the impact it has had, but let’s just say that people has died because of it, and that there is a huge business, now, in the 21st century, in to ‘restoring’ something that has not ever existed. It’s big bucks…to maintain an idea about the whore and the madonna.

For those interested, it is more of a wreath, following the anatomic contours. That is why in Sweden, they have renamed it to ‘vaginal wreath’ in order to dismantle to dangerous notion of a membrane.

Now, what the fuck has this to do with anything? Well. I would not dare to say that there is not areas within the body that react in certain ways, and that gushing does not happen. What I do doubt though, is the exact specifics of it and how it’s been used as a holy grail.In one sense we need more research, but it comes with a problem. The problem of how science can become ridden by assumptions that are not scientific. Bodies change, lust is not the same for everyone, and sexual activity is not always streamlined.
The G-spot phenomena has been an amazing thing to exploit, and also something that has benefited many women. But as many as swear by it, there is also many who claim to never found, no matter how many hooked fingers with a bit of a bent, pressuring against the wall of the vagina they have experienced.That does not mean that one is right or the other is wrong. It means that we are different, and react differently.

I soaked the sheets less than a week ago, but for years I did not understand what people were going on and on about. The toys specified for g-spotting was ridiculous. And I would not say that my gushing has anything to do with the spot and it might be that my largest objection is against the name. The Spot.
I had a reaction on a action at is was very pleasurable and fun. I had the benefit of being able to enjoy that and is that not what it comes down to? Enjoying your body in a way that gives you pleasure that is not haunted by a competition.

It can be hard though. I’ve meet so many women who have been frustrated because of their partners frustration in the quest of g-spotting. I remember a moment that I’ve classifed as the biggest turn off ever. The guy was fingering me, kinda nice, then did something with his fingers, and very smugly said “And there..!..is the G-spot.” The expecting look of his face, very much like a kid waiting to recieve an applaud for doing something, implied that I would turn into a gushing mess, screaming like a banshee while orgasming. I might add I did not. Instead, it became boring and I was annoyed. My body is not a map, or a quest. I am not a problem to solve or a puzzle to piece together.

The competition to find the map to the g-spot is utterly bonkers, not helped by porn, crap sex-industry, ill-informed advisors and wrong focus on lust and education. Not helped by bad research, ridden by old and weird assumptions of the female body and lust. Assumptions that haunts the appreciation of the male lust as well.

So, how about trying to move away from the competition, appreciate that there is an AREA inside the vagina that can react in a very distinct way, but that it is not only technique that create a reaction, it is not about a direct correlation between action and reaction? In the same way that our sex-drive is not constantly exactly the same, our sensitivity is not.
NO-ONE, NO-ONE has the right to make you or anyone else feel pressured when it comes to sexual activities. You are the person who can decide what you want, and roam around in any way that you need to make that decision. Make mistakes, laugh about them, hit the right notes and come in any way you like, but always, always remain sceptical. And you don’t ‘need’ to come. Don’t allow anyone to treat your sexuality like a problem, or non-consensually turning you into an experiment, and

For more, really, really good reading on the G-spot take a look at this link:
Yes, there is a G-spot


I’ve been bad


Daddy, I’ve been so bad. Not updating the blog…

No, not really. I’m just saying that all those updates I’m planning takes a bit more time than I thought. It’s worth waiting for, because we are going to be speaking about needles. We are going to look at a radical feminists argument against BDSM and pick it into pieces. And furthermore, in hopefully a not too distant future, more interviews with perverts.

So, what then?

First of all: did you know that keeping a slave makes you stay healthy?
Another site that is a bit better on keeping up to date is Island of Pain.
They report on the Sharon Warner Case, which is one of those brilliant, fucked up things that makes me sad, mad and frustrated.  I’m not going to try to put it better than it is already written:

Chavez, on the other hand, as the situation is described by Warner, seems to have mixed work ethics and lifestyle behaviour beyond what could be seen acceptable, even within the BDSM community. My opinion is that you are definitely on thin ice when you involve your graduate students in your lifestyle behaviour – Not moral reasons, but because certain dependencies issues are created, as the lines between work and lifestyle are blurred.

So, yeah, what is wrong with people who can’t see the power dynamics at play here?  Go ahead and be as kinky as you want, but let’s dwell for one second on consent. Consent, power and trust.  Thinking about those terms, that we are often playing with and then just not realising the implications of involving your students is just plain stupid. No one is judged yet, but I don’t care and have a really hard time feeling sorry for Chavez. Furthermore, as it’s said in the comments, this is not about kink. It could be, but it’s not about kink-rights.

Another stupidity is Julie Bindel’s latest rant on how horrible the trans-people are, or rather, the mutilation and distortion of gender that they portray; as well as how loud and threatening they are.  I can’t feel sorry for her. At all. She has been advocating many a important issues, but not understanding that her stance on transgendered people is so insensitive and out of touch is deserving of the award ‘Nutter of the week’.

Moving on to something completley else; the fact that we know nothing or very little about HPV (human papilloma virus). Poundcake explains it very clearly and it is indeed important to keep updated about all of these things. I want to stay healthy and do regular check-ups about every half year. It feels like a  total overhaul, like beeing a car that goes in on service. And even though I am careful it is always nervous doing the three-minute HIV test.

Tomorrow, at Trafalgar Square there will be a candle light vigil for Ian Baynham, who died after an attack in the end of september.
There will also be a march against homophobia in Liverpool, sometime in the end of November, following after recent homophobic attacks.


And a very hardhitting blog-entry on how the case is still not won in regards to LGBTQI-rights can be found here.

Moral scare in the hedonist Sweden?

There is a small store in Malmoe, the city that I live in during the summer. Sweden is not like London, but I guess that comes to no surprise to you, dear reader. We do not have the Camden or the specialised areas were you can find any kind of outfit if you are drawn to a specific subculture like goth, or if you are in to the more fetishy versions of gothclothes. There is no racks filled with corsets, pvc and other almost generic types of clothing. Basically, there is not the same luxury of being able to find a kink-item around every corner like you can do in the U.K. But I am not complaining about that. A couple of days ago I visited the same store to relive some of my teen memories (black hair and black eyeliner, patches with bandnames like Nine Inch Nails and Broder Daniel ironed on to the shoulderbag) and to browse the fab fake eyelashes I know they stock. While walking around browsing I noticed a very weird sign telling me that unless I was 18 years of age or above, I was not allowed to try or buy a pvc-item. HUH? Yep, that is correctly understood. Walking around in the store I could not help but notice that clothing like corsets, underwear, certain types of ‘bondagetrousers’ (you know the sort with buckles and straps and things that thin gothboys love to wear) as well as high heels and boots had no age restriction. Only the pcv. I am a curious person, can’t help it, so I just had to ask the stuff what this restriction was about. She was very helpful and explained it was not the store that had come up with this on their own accord, rather than parents who had been upset when their offspring had brought this types of clothing back home. Apparently it had something to do with being ‘appropriate’ as well as then sexual overtones that pvc as an item is carrying. The bad will received around this item had forced the store to strike a compromise and hence the age-restriction. She also pointed out that there is the possibility to ‘go to parties dressed in these items’ and that had also effected the opinions of the parents. So: beware under-aged pervert! No can have pvc! Seriously though, during the conversation I said quite blunt that I myself go to parties like that and am very well aware of the connotations that pvc as a material carry itself. My amazement was hard to disguise but I bid a polite farewell and went out of the door. Steaming of anger. First of all: the parties. There is a couple of parties in this part of Sweden, but not many. None of the allow you to gain entry if you are underaged (18). So not only are the parties rare but they are also guarded like any other club by that rule. Second: how about the corsets? The boots, the high heels? The bondagetrousers, the sweater with all the straps that you can ‘get stuck’ in? The ‘cute’ underwear in sizes that would fit any 12 year old goth girl? All of these items also carry strong sexual connotations, as well as being very ‘inappropriate’ (depending on whom you ask…). What the fuck is wrong with parents? I see very young girls getting thongs bought by their parents, see the streamlining of the ‘appropriate’ child being orchestrated, hearing the complaint about items being charged with certain implications but seeing none of the action being directed in any healthy manner… How about some jolly good, practical sex ed? Some parenting, so that if the kid go to these parties and the organizer is such a dick/cunt that they let them in, the kid will know of the consequences of breaking the rules from their parent. I am not a parent, thank heavens and to be honest I don’t like kids, especially not teen-agers. Or toddlers, or any kids for that matter. So the whole ‘raising a (b)rat and things I do not know of, but one thing I do know is that I am tired of people not taking responsibility. Or misguiding their responsibility. So, yeah. I live in Sweden. A country with fresh air, social security and no more censorship of movies. But it is also a country in which the double-standard and confused messages that are sent to young people make a store quit selling a certain clothes-item to under-aged. Where the prostitutionlaw is bollocks and were the scare of ‘everything’ makes the political establishment call for more control. Nice.