Tag Archives: Silia hates almost everyone

Anoya, godess of things that get stuck

The other day I wrote in my not so anonymous blog about disrespecting women (it bugs me I can’t just link to the stuff, but wouldn’t be too anonymous here then, now would it?), and I’m gonna go wild here on teh internetz and quote myself from a post about … friends … being misogynistic.

[…] My … friend … called and we talked a bit about the allowance our culture makes for misogyny, and without having read my blog (I don’t even think he has the adresse here) he casually drops into the convo that it was just a phace, by the way. I’ve stopped feeling like that. So how to handle that? I was prepared at first to  go for the thank god- never mind it all then approach. But I’m not much for forgiving things like that. Not if it doesn’t come with a big does of self analyzing and thinking. You can’t just think it’s suddenly ok because you stopped noticably feeling like that right now; because it might come back. If I tended to constantly fall over while walking outside, and then suddenly stopped for let’s say, five days, I would (hopefully) not just brush it off with it was just a phace, I walk much better now. I’d still check why I keep falling over.  […]

For quite a while he had been going on about how he distrusts women, how women are horrible sneaky manipulative bastards and so on (sometimes I felt like just shoving my vagina to the phone to remind him that I, the other half of the conversation, is female.), at the same time as claiming to be feminist. And being negative to misogyny. Hello bullshit.

This is a bit like all those lovely natural doms out there who believes in equality, and of course women should be allowed to work and vote and own property, ‘s just that my woman is fragile and can’t handle all that, so I’m disallowing it, for her sake, in my home. .. And then I’m gonna call what I do BDSM and call myself lifestyler. Instead of just admitting that I don’t like the idea of women having rights.

I am completely and utterly sure that a lot of men that claims to be doing BDSM-stuff is just using it as a cover up because they despice women, or look at women as less worthy humans. It’s somewhere around when you say of course women should have equal rights as men that I start thinking about the oncoming “,but… “.

Here are some examples with pedagogical explanations:
“Of course women should have equal rights as men,

…..but Ilike my women to be in pain when I fuck them”

There is no oxymoron here. People can be absolutly 100% equal, and still be in pain. There is no “but” necessary to carry this sentence. You know why? Because the “but” here, it sort of makes me think that the pain involved is non-consensual.

…..but in my house, I want to be the man”

Oh, ok, so being a man and accepting equal rights is not possible? Interesting.

…..but she is much better then I am on keeping track of things.”

Ok, that one wasn’t even related to BDSM, but it sneaked in there. God damn it, get a calendar! Learn how to clean! How hard could it be?

….but she likes it better when I make the decitions.”

Same thing here, seriously, that doesn’t make it unequal, since she is allowing you to make the decitions. Don’t forget that power is not something you take, but something you are given. Just switch the but and put in an and instead, and it all feels much better.

.. Ok, maybe it’s not at all like that. But hey, it’s early morning and I’m annoyed, everything is related then.



epic fail lesbianism

This one goes out to the danish guy who threatened me to show the blog to people if I don’t write something. Yes yes, I know him in real life. You know, the world out there.

Much have happened since I actually wrote something here, and that is off course also the reason that I haven’t written for a while. First thing that happened is that I have now officially decided to flee the BDSM-scene. Why? Because there are just too many arrogant wankers around. I can’t stand it anymore. I admit it: I’d rather have half assed vanilla sex with someone who asks if it hurts when I moan, then I ever have sex with any of the men I’ve talked to inside the bdsm-scene. (99.8% because of said wankyness, and 0.2% because we are friends and it would feel weird. This paranteses is a disclaimer)

There is off course nothing wrong about being an utter disgrace for the human race and act like a complete fucktard. Not at all. There is plenty of other people who are fucktards too, but please hang out with your own crowd? Know your limits.

I’m stupid enough to think that if someone is hitting on me, they think they actually have a chanse and they have based this assumtion on some sort of understandings of social structures, human to human interaction and so on. So I generally give people a chanse. Big mistake in the bdsm-world. I mean, yes I have been approached by people who is way under my level when it comes to looks, but I assumed that if you were ugly and approached someone who looked better then you it was because you knew you had a winning personality. But it doesn’t work like that in cat’o’nine-world, nooo. Here people approach you solemnly based on sucidial desperation. I can see it in their minds: “OOh, lookit female, she wants to trample me/drink my urine/be whipped till she cries, I can see it on her, I mean she IS in the same room/city/continent as me, and we all know what that means *gner gner*”.

The best ones are the dominant males who sends you e-mails telling you that something in your presentation isn’t grammatically correct. And then getting angry with you because you answer back at them. Yes, it happened the other day and it was the last drop. Theres idiots in vanilla land too, but they are so much more easily avoided.

My latest project now has been to sleep with a guy from the caribs (west india),  his idea of gender roles are so old school that to me, it’s almost D/s role play. I think that this might be the lovely middle rode for me. Sleep with strange people instead of BDSM, and I still get my dose of sexual weirdness.

Oh yes, the trylesbianism. It didn’t work, at all. I’m sorry to say it, but I can’t have a relationship with someone who dislikes heterosexuals. Or thinks bisexuals have it easy. I am officially fail at hanging out with lesbians. Or at least that type of lesbian. This isn’t the first time I hear this either. And it bugs me.
Just because you are an oppressed minority, that doesn’t give you the right to oppresse another minority now does it.
So I gave up, and went on to converting one of Ves friends from straight to bi instead. That was fun. I think it works better for me to just have relationships or such with other bisexuals.

So, not that much ranting, just a normal little blog-thingie. But at least, we are back:D.

The ugly people vs autumn


I’m sorry. I’ll say it now in the beginning of the post so you know it. I’m terribly sorry. I have the most horrendous autumn depression, and have been battling demons for a couple of weeks. Hopefully the worst is now over. So, tada. I’m back.

So that you don’t loose confidence in me completely I’m gonna make a very short explanation about the depression. I’m sensitive to hormonal changes. Many people are. I had a great childhood, wasn’t even bullied that bad, everything has been abfab the whole time, but I still get depressed. And I get panic attacks, and I fall apart. I try (oh god I do try) to not do it in public, so then I have to lock myself in for a couple of weeks. So, don’t feel sorry for me and please do not start thinking I’m one of the sexually-abused-selfdestructive-now-gone-bdsm girls. Selfdestructive possibly. But no, no horrible abuse, nothing. Just sensitive. Thanks a bunch. Lets get on with this then bois and girlies.

The Ugly

Everytime I surf kink-communities it breaks my heart. Is this the people that will, for the rest of my life, try to sex me up? Am I stuck with these wallmart/jysk/coop/equivalent supermarket with clothes/furniture/food for people without taste/tastebuds-type of people? Is this it? Goddamnit! And when I think those thoughts, my sexuality dies a bit.

I’m shallow. I’m extremely horrible, bad and shallow. Why? Because I actually want to be turned on by the looks of the person who is shagging me. I feel it is degrading when some ugly* horrible flabby man/woman stands there with bad teeth and halitosis and ties me up and you know, fucks me.

It could definitely be a kink, this whole shagging-the-uglies. But I prefer to give power to some one who deserves it, both intellectually and physically. Else, it’s even more a play, it becomes horrible obvious that I’m all pretend. I don’t want that. I don’t want to feel disgust.

Yes, disgust. That is what I feel. I’m sorry, again, but I feel disgusted by these no-taste-no-brain people, especially when they start talking about SSC and alike. I feel so detached when someone I wouldn’t touch even if i got paid a million for it starts talking about safety precautions. In my world they wouldn’t ever need any safety precautions because they would never have any use for them.
Or, lets rephrase that. I don’t like when they start talking to me about sex and assume that the safety discussion is necessary come miracle and we would have sex. Read my lips: It wont happen. It seems like kink has become the safecard to pull for the uglies to get laid with the goodies. Instead of, for example, learn how to dress and talk, think, walk, behave and so on. “I look like crap and I haven’t bought new jeans (or my god, leather trousers) since 1995, but hey, I’m really good at shibari”. Look at my face: Does it in any way indicate sexual interest? Hey, you can even feel my panties if you want to. It doesn’t get drier. Welcome to desert land.

Or why not, here is a favourite, ugly people telling me they demand this and this and that of me. “You are a submissive, and to earn my domination you have to be willing to submit like this and this”. Thats interesting, now please go away. It’s annoying when anyone does that, but it’s even more annoying when it’s a damn ugly nobody who does it. Somewhere in the evil depths of my mind lurks the sentence “shut up, you should be grateful I’m even reading this”.

I need to respect the person I have sex with. I need to know that when we finished shagging, slapping and tying eachother to the bed, I’m gonna be able to have an interesting conversation with this person. I need to know that if I crash this person will pick me up, not pat me on the shoulder and go: Oh, SSC.
Yes, I’m playing connect the dots here. Ugly, tasteless person with no sence of social skills (because, if they had, they wouldn’t dress so damn bad) is not someone I think would suddenly turn into a person that actually knows how to pick me up. Yes, yes, please do bash me. Thats ok, this’s a rant after all.

Look at it this way: Someone who has a completely different lifestyle then you, do you think that person is fit to be your playpartner? Stop being politically correct: Do you seriously think that someone who is so far away from you as can be, would be able to understand you? No. Well, I work with design and spend my days discussing social structures. I write and I photograph. Do you seriously think that a person who spend their time working with trends would be able to get something out of someone who is blind when it comes to the same area?

Oh well. I guess I’ll have to go back to the vanilla pond.

*Ugly here means “with nothing interesting, not looks, not personality, nothing”. Ugly = not in any way attractive. Don’t pretend you are jesus, you have seen people like that too. Admit it, you don’t want to sleep with them.

Oh teh SAD.

So, I’m lying on the floor, tied up in a whatsitcalled, frogtie, hogtie, random ugly animal-tie, on my back anyhow. He is sitting on the floor saying things and I’m trying to look submissive and behave like I care. You know, like I give a shit about anything else then getting fucked. Like him. He is a bit cute.

“This is what you like, isn’t it, you damn slut. You are just begging for my cock, aren’t you, your masters cock”
And so on. I make some muffled contributes to the conversation, thanking god for the gag because there is no way in a burning hell I would be able to keep a straight face and say “yes, master, I’m your slut”.
But, Silia, aren’t you submissive, I thought you were, everyone I know who is into BDSM and knows you claims that you are?
Well. Here it is then: No, I’m not. I just like being fucked that way. I like playing that role, and I like using submissiveness as a surrogat for love, when I don’t have that to give. If I can’t give you my heart, here, take my body instead and I’m sorry for the inconvinience but the heart is closed for maintenance right now. Will be back shortly. In the meantime, feel free to fuck me senseless and call me a whore.

Because I know what you can’t have.

It’s power play. I give you the power over my body, and I excersise the power of knowing that I can make you drool and beg and nag and dream and think everyday about the possibility to get that power again. And we both know that the power I give away is not real. It’s just play. But the power I have over you is very real.

And I use my power. All I can.

Angelina Jolie

I can’t see anything holy about my body. I know I’m suppose to see it as some sort of temple, but frankly, I’d rather have sex.

I’m not submissive. I like pretending to be, but more then once in the context of dominant men or women I find my self more than a little offended that they think they have power over me. It’s a mix between Prove me wrong! and Get out of my face. I know I don’t like winning a fight, because my way of keeping control is to ensure the other part that they have control over me. I trick them. And when they indulge in excersizing their power, I grow cold. Because they are easy and I can manipulate them.

Do you remember the movie with Angelina Jolie, Girl, Interupted? She screams in the end of the movie something about Why isn’t anybody pushing my buttons? I know that feeling. Sometimes I’m standing in the center of a storm, pushing and pushing and pushing away everyone, but nobody pushes back. So I push a little further. This is not good practica in sex. Especially not when the other person is holding a whip. I think this might also be the reason that I almost punched a guy in the face. He just kept doing what he thought was ok, and I just kept letting him. Pushing him further away from me, making him smaller and smaller in my eyes, until all he was, was a drooling sexgraced idiot who was so distanced from me that I wanted to kick his ass. I didn’t. But I managed to get myself back to reality and stop it. I was about 30 cm from his face with my fist by then.

This is the sad post. I promise not to make them a habit. But sometimes I think it’s important to speak up about what drives different people into the whole BDSM scene. Even if we are all grown ups and SSC (argh argh, more about that later), many people both here and in vanilla land, are broken and looking for ways to fix themself. In general, I’d say, don’t do it my way. Try the happy go luck ignorant road abit to the right instead. So much more fun, even if I do get laid more often;).

PUA? Come on people..


Today has been one of those nostalgia travels through the Internet, and I ended up reading tips and tricks from the seduction base, one the site that shows men on how to pick up girls, you know, The Game style. PUA:s.

Frankly, I have quite a lot to say about this community, I’m gonna give you a bit of a taste:

1. If you never get laid, you were not meant to get laid.

2. If you would stop looking at women like trofées , your lifes would be so much more fun, AND you would get more sex.

3. Don’t go for the tens, only reason they have sex with you is because they are blind and desperate, they wouldn’t poke you with a stick if they had brains bigger then a caterpillars. Incidentally, the girls you hit on don’t have that. But of course, if you like fucking larvae, go ahead.

4. I’ve had people trying this techniques on me. They have never worked. I’m not a ten, but the reason for them not working, is the guys trying them not even being a six. And trust me, if that neg is going to get you any pussy, you better be a damn ten and a half.

Lesson in life: The neg works on girls with the ego of a world power, the brain of a caterpillar and the looks of a playboy model (which, incidentally, is quite not-sexy, in my eyes.). It does not work on someone who is generally out of your league, or a ten in comparison to everyone else in the room. She’ll just think that you’re a wanker with an out of proportion ego. If she is like me, she will very likely fix this issue for you, by telling you so in various multi-syllable words that you will have to write down on a note and bring home for mom to translate.

So, to make a long story short, I hate The Game. It makes damn stupid and annoying men think that they can hit on me. I’m not a ten, and I do not have the brains of a caterpillar. Please, get out of my sight.

Also, the combination of the caterpillar brain and abfab looks is important. Why? Because no woman with half a brain and such astonishing features would even visit the same country as you.

Please, please keep in mind. If you do not get laid without using PUA-tricks, then maybe, just maybe you weren’t meant to reproduce.

Yes, that about defines exactly how horrible I am.
The abfab hot girl that I’m dating a bit at the moment pointed out that it’s easy for me to say this, since I’m as close to a PUA as you can get without being a complete wanker. (She didn’t say that, she just said that “The reason you think so is because you do get laid, think of all the people who doesn’t, maybe they are really nice people”, and I tried, I tried so bad, not to respond “Well, if they were so nice, how come nobody wants them? Are you promoting sleeping with ugly stupid people with crap personalities, just because underneath all that, there is a heart of gold? I have better things to do on Saturday nights then take pity on people” because that would have just proved that I am a total wanker. So I just said something like “oh, you might have a point, but still, you know.. “)

Example of what I find stupid and poor about the whole thing (Who, I wonder, WHO needs this instructions?):

I know I’m supposed to be loving and fun and so on, but I’m sorry, it’s just not me. Ve writes about that in the last post (no, i’m damn well not interlinking them, scroll down people, I know you can), and it’s nice that she can be happy about it. I can’t seem to ignore the fact that the idiots are everywhere. One bad egg ruins blah blah, and so on. Well, you can always think about us like some sort of ying and yang. If it wasn’t for the fact that I think that all that “eastern wisdom” is complete crap. Yeah, you figured that already didn’t you. If hell ever freezes over, I promise I’ll try yoga. Until then I’ll stick to cigarettes and alcohol thank you.