Hi again everyone! I know I haven’t written in a long time, but I guessed you’d let me come back anyway. I know you are all kind and nice, aren’t you?
So many things has happened, mostly, I’ve moved and started a new job and sort of started a new life, just temporarily. It’s nice. The weirdest thing is that at the same time I really really tried to extract myself from the BDSM-scene, and started dating people who smelled vanilla, and ended up here. Where? In a undefined sexual and emotional relationship with a defined male person who most definitly isn’t vanilla. He pretended to be at first, but that was just because he thought I was. Turns out he is a complete beginner when it comes to the tastier types of sexayh and I’m suddenly the teacher. Me?
This gives rise to a set of problems. First: None of us is the latex/pvc/red and black corsettes and heels-types, none of us likes the BDSM-scene. It makes it really hard to introduce BDSM-terms, like safewords and safespaces and whatnots. Suddenly they are accutely needed, and I’m trying my hardest to show and tell him the hows and whys’ (mind the organ belt, honey, and so on) without making it sound like some macramé-workshop for singles in their late 50’s. Since none of us wants to be part of the BDSM-world, it’s hard to introduce him to instructive websites or litterature. It would just feel silly. He would just be turned off.
I’ve managed to install safewords though, only problem is that I probably need to change them, I opt for pause and cut, because I never normally use those, but to him, those words still makes him want to push. With other words, we need a non-sexy word. Like macramé or whatever. But the further away from sex we get wordvice, the harder for me to say.
Second problem: He is extremely strong. This is incredibly hot, off course, but, it’s also seriously dangerous. He is a beginner and doesn’t know the limits of my body (neither do I for that), and since he is a lot stronger than me, if I’d actually need to make him physically stop, I can’t. I can’t just punch him in the face and shove him off me. I’m scared it’ll get out of hand and he will harm me by mistake.
Third problem: How do I explain the concept of afterglow? That afterwards, if the sex has been very intense, I need to be reassured for a while? Without sounding like a demanding idiot?
Yeah, lot’s of problems there.
The interesting part about it is that dealing with a newbie gives me insight in an unpoluted mind, and trust me, he comes up with the good stuff, and this without ever watching any porn or having surfed around the internet for BDSM-stuff. I’m really curious where this will lead.
All I need now, is a way of talking about the sex we have, without making it sound like the sex we actually have. Any ideas?