Tag Archives: what is wrong with idiots?

On abuse, ‘Dominance’, status & experiences

One more of those ‘please, read, now. Now’.

Ms Pet writes on Sexability how she was getting a non-consensual experience when a leatherdyke topped her without listening to her. This text has elements of incest and non-consensual acts, so please, if you are aware that this can have triggering effects on you, read with care or any other way you see fit.

The importance of not only examine the mechanisms that are on the ‘outside’ but also those within a community cannot be disregarded. Just because one have all the beautiful theories and practices does not mean that ‘power’ that is possible to vield don’t have their base in something that is so harming.
You who experience abuse on the grounds of racism, sexism, classism, queer/transophobia, physical/emotional abilities and so on, I have a hard time believing you are few. All your stories are important. It is not your responsibility to change idiocracy, but every time you speak up it is so fucking important.

Just because we play around with power does not mean that we have to comply to the rules of power in a world that think that power is ‘power over’ .

‘Power over’ lies in the belief that I can increase my power by taking some of yours. The way I get to feel big is you to feel small, and the way I get to feel secure is to make you feel insecure. ‘Power with is based on the idea that we all can become more powerful by supporting each other in being more powerful”
Easton & Lizt in ‘ The New Bottoming Book’

Nor can we ignore the mechanism, the fact that we live in a world with inequalities and structures. My sad experience is that I’ve met more people who are good at disregarding this in Sweden. It could be that I have the benefit to be based in London, a very multifacetted town, but fact is, there is shit going here as well. There is shit everywhere.

Fight the shit. As much as you can, as much as you want.




Wanting, needing, ‘caring’, dictating, patriarchal, sexist knobhead of man(kind)

I am reading a diary on a swedish bdsm-community and I don’t know if it is because I am so far away from this person or if it is because I will never understand him or if it’s simply that I cannot respect a person who from the beginning dictates how he wants a relationship.

He is looking for a 24/7. Fine. There is tons and tons written about the (im)possibilites of 24/7 and that is not really where I have my issues. My issues are with what I read. It is a man who want to be in a monogamous patriarchal relationship where he controls everything from what she will wear ’til he comes home in the evening and she take his coat, shoes, hangs it up and has dinner ready. If she is not compliant she will get punished, but he does not want someone who is insubordinate to get a punishment.
In other words, what some people describe as a 24/7 1950’s household.
I can definitely say that this is not an exception from other people’s kinks and wishes, but thankfully I noticed a reversed model, in which the mans role is completly reversed. But now, back to this wanker, who will get to be a model for everything that I will never, ever be able to poke even with a stick

Further wants from this man is that she likes to dress up, like to ‘be a woman’ and is ‘not too jealous’, and then you might be asking “WTF if wrong with that then?”

Well. I’m one of those who get turned on by thinking, reflective, responsible people. This is a man who talks in his diary how he grew up with mother and sister’s, how they always did everything around in the house (except for rare occasions when he ‘did a bit o a clean’) and clearly state that he want that kind of life again.
WTF! Is that a new mother he wants?
She must be faithful and monogamous but not too jealous. Because?
He also clearly say that he likes to go to the clubs where he does not need to dress up and a tiny small thing more. After listing loads and loads of movies that is about men shooting men, men dealing with wordly issues, men joking at the expense of every one except their own gender, etc, he say that he would prefer a sub/property that do like ‘good’ movies, not like ‘Pretty Woman’. His sunglasses are extremly ugly and trousers are illfitting, but still she must have ‘good taste’.

This is an example of the sort of wankers that flood mine, Silias and I guess many others existense. Especially if you happen to be someone who is read as a female.
The idiocracy in dictating all of this, and expect to be able to get away with is just because one is a dominant man is beyond my understanding. I will never, ever place my life in the hands of someone who has such little reflection of what he recreates every time he opens his sodding mouth. And I wished that more had higher demands. Call me patronizing, I do not care. His attitude is not about the ‘little’ narrow field that BDSM is in society, it is about structure and how day to day idiocracy allows these structures to live on.

He also talks about the beauty of his property, that being the woman he want to fiend to engage in a relationship. Claiming to be a gentleman he would always treat her well. But in all those beautiful words I do not believe the slightest. The concept of gentleman makes me want to throw up in the gentle mans knee.

She would be the treasure, the very loved and cared for person who find all her pleasure in pleasuring him. Fine. But hey, is this not also a notion that is both scary and annoying? First time J pointed it out to me I got mad and sad. But the fact is that there is a distinction between the male and female sub/ bottom/slave. That is worth. Most of the time the man is a worthless, wet maggot who is not worthy of even walking the ground, whereas a female is the treasure of the owner/top/dominant. Pedestals are dangerous things and I don’t believe in their functions unless they are created exactly for that purpose. But then one need to be aware of them… And still, even if they themselves (male sub) claim they are nothing worthy of mine or anyone else’s attention, well then they still can’t wait to suggest what I might want to do to them. I don’t know how many times it needs to be repeated.

My sexuality is for me and I choose whom I want to share it with.

I believe in being a treasure, being worthless, I believe in ev erything that people want to be, but I have a hard time trusting those who obviously recreating without thinking first.

The distance between claiming something immediately without thinking and letting every relation grow from a mutual, equal base is miles wide.

And this guy needs to take a good look around, maybe migrate back to 1950’s and then state all his demands…If it even worked then…