Tag Archives: whore & madonna

Gush! G-spotting?

So, ‘recent’ research has showed that apparently the G-spot does not exist. Or does it?
I don’t have any scientific credentials, but here is my own take on the matter:

The G-spot phenomena has been thoroughly exploited on many levels. This is nothing unusual when it comes to female anatomy and sex. While Dr. Whipple and John Perry in 1982 coined the term for a sensitive area right after the entrance of the vagina they probably could never imagine what it would lead to, in terms of hype. Let us consider how this can be and how the issues concerning female sexuality are so easily exploited and how they constructed as truths or falsifications. We can do that by looking at another part of the female body that has been considered, used, reconsidered and now even re-named. I will not at any point claim there is or is not a ‘ G-spot’ though, for that I’m not enough qualified.
But my main theme in this text is about control. The control over women’s bodies. So, let’s take the hymen as an example that has to do with female anatomy and power over women’s bodies.
It is now proven there is actually not any membrane covering the entrance of the vagina and thusly, the patriarchal invention is one of mythological proportions A mythology that still haunts our modern society as well as many other societies. I’m not going to dwell to much of the impact it has had, but let’s just say that people has died because of it, and that there is a huge business, now, in the 21st century, in to ‘restoring’ something that has not ever existed. It’s big bucks…to maintain an idea about the whore and the madonna.

For those interested, it is more of a wreath, following the anatomic contours. That is why in Sweden, they have renamed it to ‘vaginal wreath’ in order to dismantle to dangerous notion of a membrane.

Now, what the fuck has this to do with anything? Well. I would not dare to say that there is not areas within the body that react in certain ways, and that gushing does not happen. What I do doubt though, is the exact specifics of it and how it’s been used as a holy grail.In one sense we need more research, but it comes with a problem. The problem of how science can become ridden by assumptions that are not scientific. Bodies change, lust is not the same for everyone, and sexual activity is not always streamlined.
The G-spot phenomena has been an amazing thing to exploit, and also something that has benefited many women. But as many as swear by it, there is also many who claim to never found, no matter how many hooked fingers with a bit of a bent, pressuring against the wall of the vagina they have experienced.That does not mean that one is right or the other is wrong. It means that we are different, and react differently.

I soaked the sheets less than a week ago, but for years I did not understand what people were going on and on about. The toys specified for g-spotting was ridiculous. And I would not say that my gushing has anything to do with the spot and it might be that my largest objection is against the name. The Spot.
I had a reaction on a action at is was very pleasurable and fun. I had the benefit of being able to enjoy that and is that not what it comes down to? Enjoying your body in a way that gives you pleasure that is not haunted by a competition.

It can be hard though. I’ve meet so many women who have been frustrated because of their partners frustration in the quest of g-spotting. I remember a moment that I’ve classifed as the biggest turn off ever. The guy was fingering me, kinda nice, then did something with his fingers, and very smugly said “And there..!..is the G-spot.” The expecting look of his face, very much like a kid waiting to recieve an applaud for doing something, implied that I would turn into a gushing mess, screaming like a banshee while orgasming. I might add I did not. Instead, it became boring and I was annoyed. My body is not a map, or a quest. I am not a problem to solve or a puzzle to piece together.

The competition to find the map to the g-spot is utterly bonkers, not helped by porn, crap sex-industry, ill-informed advisors and wrong focus on lust and education. Not helped by bad research, ridden by old and weird assumptions of the female body and lust. Assumptions that haunts the appreciation of the male lust as well.

So, how about trying to move away from the competition, appreciate that there is an AREA inside the vagina that can react in a very distinct way, but that it is not only technique that create a reaction, it is not about a direct correlation between action and reaction? In the same way that our sex-drive is not constantly exactly the same, our sensitivity is not.
NO-ONE, NO-ONE has the right to make you or anyone else feel pressured when it comes to sexual activities. You are the person who can decide what you want, and roam around in any way that you need to make that decision. Make mistakes, laugh about them, hit the right notes and come in any way you like, but always, always remain sceptical. And you don’t ‘need’ to come. Don’t allow anyone to treat your sexuality like a problem, or non-consensually turning you into an experiment, and

For more, really, really good reading on the G-spot take a look at this link:
Yes, there is a G-spot

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All Hail Mary- now give yourself a hug.

I personally can feel it is tricky to sometimes feel the joy and the calm of Xmas-time. This is because of many reasons. For some people, the Xmas has nothing to do with joy and togetherness. It can be a rather lonely affair,  when the one who is lonely get even more lonely because of the anticipation of the idea of the lovely family. The idea about the nuclear family is never as present as it is during this ‘festive’ season.

I belong to the tradition of the Xmas tradition that is what it is because it has always been. We meet, we eat, we have one debacle after the other, talking about my now deceased grandmothers lover (whom she met for more than 40 years), get quite hammered and sing to the snaps.  It is fun to meet some of the people, but the peace really first occur when the Xmas is over, and I can go back for normal. Everything that reminds me about the ‘peace’ during Xmas makes me so fucking stressed. Any one else?

Going to church, not because of belief, but because of tradition is another feature. Last Xmas was the  first time I stood my grounds on not getting up 6 o’clock in the morning and sing to some kind of god I do not believe in. I was called selfish, but did not care the slightest. I find it more selfish to attend something that does not belong to me. A god I cannot relate to or wish to have in my life.

The following text is not going to be academic. It is not going to relate to everything written on the subject, don’t take into the account of all the writings of the possible misunderstanding of the concept of ‘virgin’. I am simply going to ask a question related to how people seem to be viewing the immaculate conception and ‘virgin’ Mary, the holy mother, and blablabla.

First of all, I can’t feel it. I can’t feel the joy every one is talking about when Xmas is coming. That the saviour was born, that the world received a messiah. Cause I think about something else. I think about the so called ‘virgin’ Mary, the immaculate conception and how fucking scared that girl must have been. In a  society, women was more children than grown-up women when getting married.
There is a saying that if there is many possible explanations to something, the most simple is the most probable. So. A couple of different explanations, just from the top of my head.

  • The God spoke to Mary, said she would have the son that would save the world. Jesus.
  • Mary was a child, got raped, did not dare to say anything to anyone, and when she was supposed to be married but had not been fucking with her husband and still being pregnant, freaked out and found the best explanation in the whole world.
  • My favourite. Mary liked sex. She managed to get what she wanted, enjoy it, but got in to trouble and needed an explanation. An nothing is as imaginative as a person that needs to explain herself.
  • Mary’s parents needed to figure something out and she did not have a say. Or maybe she did.

By Masonic Bomb

I don’t know about you, but somehow the other scenarios seems to be more accessible than the others.

I know I disregard a lot here. Especially the meaning of virgin in different translations from Hebrew and things (any one want to fill me in?)

So, instead, I come to think about the concept of whores and madonnas. The accessible and the divine. Something that the
”Immaculata Conceptio” helped to create, sustain and re-enforce. This was of course done through various other cultural and structural influences that worked this, such as the later domesticity ideal in the west, or the earlier (im)possibilites for women to have the right to inherit or even have access to financial means.

But how old was she? Really? How old was the woman (girl?) who is said to give birth to Jesus? It is not impossible to speak of her as a 12 to 13-year old. What does that say about a western, christian society? I can’t find comfort in a story about a young girl/woman becoming pregnant, going on a trek and then, while sleeping in a stable, giving birth for the first time. Where was the angels then? Do you believe anything while trying to give birth in a stable?

I repeat: I cannot find comfort in this story!
Or should I try to give away to the need of belief? Cause it is not always about rational thoughts, especially not when believing/feeling.

But I see something else. And that is how the concept of the whore and madonna keeps on being reinforced, on all the levels in our society. Easiest place to see it is in the debate about sex workers. She is the whore that cannot claim agency, she is the one that shall be considered as ‘used’ or ‘broken’ or ‘vice’.

We also see it in rape-cases.

‘What did you wear?’
‘How many sexual partners have you had in your life?’
‘Why do you think he was interested in you?’

I don’t know how many women who have heard those questions. And what is the result of survivorblaming? That there is a lot of women who still not report sexual assaults of any kind. Or even that there is no legislature at all.

Rape  is considered to be a mean of warfare, at least since a couple of years back. Genocides has been made possible because of the breakdown of societies when women has been systematically raped. And it is not only something that is over when perpetrators leave. It is there, the survivor becomes the embodiment of the trauma, a physical form that lingers after the physical threat has been reduced to a mental image.  In her body, the nation also rests, the mother. And because of this binary idea, in which a woman is pure when she is ‘pure’ and not ‘touched’ and unpure if she is the rape is highly ‘effective’.

Oh, wow. I do give you a lot of Xmas cheer don’t I?!
One last thing. It does not comfort me at all. Instead, I ask you to give someone whom you want to hug a hug. One of those big, massive, warm, long ones.
And tomorrow in church I will not listen. I might read Dan Brown in the back row instead.

Ok. Sorry about that. I will shut up now.

Some more reading can be found here:

Rape in War

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Ve


Gok? Gok my cock!

Latest news when it comes to stupidity and television is Miss Naked Beauty. Gok Wan, presenter of ”How to look good naked” (which has it’s own version on Swedish television) will now front a new show in

the definite search for a natural beauty icon to represent Britain in 2008 and challenge the fake, distorted and plastic images of female beauty bombarding us”.
Now, I know that the some people will argue that this is not too bad, that the representation is so fucked up that we need something else. I could actually agree with this, but on the other hand, there is so many things that I do not agree with. This makes me think that this show is the uttermost sexistic bullshit, far worse that the ones who are at least not trying to have a mission. Those who don’t hide themselves behind nice words and are perfectly upfront with their ignorance. Yes, I am quite a judgmental person, so sue me.

Why do I think like this then? Well, let’s have a think. Who is it that always need to be something else in order to be anyone at all? Who is seen as a doll that is supposed to be dressed up, cut into, take the wrong clothes off and put the right ones on?
Yes, I think you know the answer. Women. And now someone will probably argue that men suffer from this to, and I won’t say no to that. But in this case, comparing industries and possibilities between men and women, it is easy to come to a conclusion about who actually has the power. My reason for being a feminist is not that one sex is better than the other, or that one gender should rule over another. The whole idea about liberating sexes and genders is not to stress that one image is better than the other, that one ideal or expression is preferable. And there we also find a liberating movement for men, men who actually feel that they cannot play the game of the perfect man, with one foot in the quicksand of masculinity and one foot in the trap of “metrosexuality”. Be a man, but not too much, be sensitive, but not to sensitive. How the fuck is anyone supposed to be able to juggle that?

The whole thing can be about being able to choose ideals, to choose expressions, to choose images and, in my oh so humble opinion, also to be represented. Be seen and acknowledged for what you say that you are.

Choose and flip between voices, lust, expressions, ideas, feelings and not have to conform in a very narrowminded way just because you body happen to be shaped in a certain way.
Miss Naked Beauty suggests that clothes and makeup is the sickness, but it is just one of the symptoms that show what we always or just now value the most.

Trends go up and down, following deep structures and reveals many patterns, some of them unexpected, but what they most of all have in common is about excluding.
Who is it then that we actually exclude, make into outlaws? Is it as simple as the look for now states that a certain type of body is in fashion and therefor all other bodies are banned? Not really, there will always be bodies and looks that does not fit into the direct fashion and they will always be more or less accepted. What’s mostly recognizable is that the bodies that are always spit upon are the ones that are to much. To be seen or not is a very mighty thing and when one is very visible because of body, expressions, attitude, voice or other characteristics, there is a certain something that start to click in peoples heads.

I want to explain to you a very swedish expression, that constantly comes up, especially in discussions about feminism, gender and sexuality. Have not come across it yet in the U.K, but please tell me if I may be wrong and point me in the right direction. I suspect there must be something. This expression is closely linked with being to much. The Whore and the Madonna. The idea that a woman is either a Whore or a Madonna, or that she has to be both, but just a Whore in the bedroom and then a Madonna everywhere else. She is judged, weather she is to much of a Madonna, then she is frigid, is she to sexual, then she is the useless and used-up Whore. This twisted thing is very close especially to young teenage women who struggle to find themselves and their own person in a often rough school-environment. They are watched closely, not just by themselves, but by other female and male friends. Early this women and men learn what you are supposed to be, or most important, what you are not supposed to be.

Therefor, the woman who is to outspoken or the man who is preferring to let others speak but himself are seen as very strange. We carry this images with us all our lives, and in the end, the ones who suffer for it, are those who do not fit in. And there is so many of these people. Some of them can “pass”. Acting can be good, learing social skills are even better, but if there is a part of you that want to dress in outrageous outfits, have a different sexual expression (including non at all), make different choices in life and this can’t be done or be acknowledged, then you can feel pretty much fucked, in a very not-pleasing way. Or even worse, meet violence, harassment and other consequences, both from state and society.

Anyhow, the sexual woman is still an issue, because a womans sexuality is not hers, and men, well, honestly. There is not much out there helping you. Either one don’t come or come to fast, or can’t find the right places, and there is so many new things to try out, you better do all of that, otherwise he or she will get bored. And btw, she is not enjoying herself to much is she? Liking the dildo more than her partner? Be afraid, be very afraid! And then the women and the men who could not care less about the opposite gender or any gender at all?!

In the same way as this is an issue, the woman who chooses her own expression and do not give a monkeys about the rules and regulations is also judged.

I don’t want the picture of the “bad” or “good” woman, don’t want to see more things about how you should dress in order to fulfill the idea about how one body is best if it conforms to these shapes. Lots of makeup is apparently really bad, aswell as to revealing clothes. I’m sitting with the an article that sparked a bit of anger infront of me, and I’m looking at the pictures illustrating what is natural and what is not. The picture of the “sexed-up” women is with loads of makeup, big hair, expressive poses and revealing clothes. What get’s me then is the next picture where they are supposed to be natural. Natural is a crap word, cause they are almost as fixed as the other pictures, the only difference is that the props are not the same. I can’t see individuals anymore, can’t see an expression, they are still standing there, but with less attitude, less power, covering their breats and with their backs hunched.  Comparing that to what would be the implicated “wrong” looks of the other pictures, they seem to be even more passive, perfect, fragile women. Not human beings, but women firstly. The extremes of the looks of the other photo is also for me quite triggering, they look directly at me with a lot more chutzpah.  Chutzpah that could probably make some people uneasy, because of just that.

I’m not saying that either of these roles are the better,and don’t think it’s up to anyone to do this. But there it is again, the created and modified natural beauty against the created and modified “easy” or “sexed up” or “distorted” Which fucking picture is it that really is distorted?

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Ve