epic fail lesbianism

This one goes out to the danish guy who threatened me to show the blog to people if I don’t write something. Yes yes, I know him in real life. You know, the world out there.

Much have happened since I actually wrote something here, and that is off course also the reason that I haven’t written for a while. First thing that happened is that I have now officially decided to flee the BDSM-scene. Why? Because there are just too many arrogant wankers around. I can’t stand it anymore. I admit it: I’d rather have half assed vanilla sex with someone who asks if it hurts when I moan, then I ever have sex with any of the men I’ve talked to inside the bdsm-scene. (99.8% because of said wankyness, and 0.2% because we are friends and it would feel weird. This paranteses is a disclaimer)

There is off course nothing wrong about being an utter disgrace for the human race and act like a complete fucktard. Not at all. There is plenty of other people who are fucktards too, but please hang out with your own crowd? Know your limits.

I’m stupid enough to think that if someone is hitting on me, they think they actually have a chanse and they have based this assumtion on some sort of understandings of social structures, human to human interaction and so on. So I generally give people a chanse. Big mistake in the bdsm-world. I mean, yes I have been approached by people who is way under my level when it comes to looks, but I assumed that if you were ugly and approached someone who looked better then you it was because you knew you had a winning personality. But it doesn’t work like that in cat’o’nine-world, nooo. Here people approach you solemnly based on sucidial desperation. I can see it in their minds: “OOh, lookit female, she wants to trample me/drink my urine/be whipped till she cries, I can see it on her, I mean she IS in the same room/city/continent as me, and we all know what that means *gner gner*”.

The best ones are the dominant males who sends you e-mails telling you that something in your presentation isn’t grammatically correct. And then getting angry with you because you answer back at them. Yes, it happened the other day and it was the last drop. Theres idiots in vanilla land too, but they are so much more easily avoided.

My latest project now has been to sleep with a guy from the caribs (west india),  his idea of gender roles are so old school that to me, it’s almost D/s role play. I think that this might be the lovely middle rode for me. Sleep with strange people instead of BDSM, and I still get my dose of sexual weirdness.

Oh yes, the trylesbianism. It didn’t work, at all. I’m sorry to say it, but I can’t have a relationship with someone who dislikes heterosexuals. Or thinks bisexuals have it easy. I am officially fail at hanging out with lesbians. Or at least that type of lesbian. This isn’t the first time I hear this either. And it bugs me.
Just because you are an oppressed minority, that doesn’t give you the right to oppresse another minority now does it.
So I gave up, and went on to converting one of Ves friends from straight to bi instead. That was fun. I think it works better for me to just have relationships or such with other bisexuals.

So, not that much ranting, just a normal little blog-thingie. But at least, we are back:D.

Wanting, needing, ‘caring’, dictating, patriarchal, sexist knobhead of man(kind)

I am reading a diary on a swedish bdsm-community and I don’t know if it is because I am so far away from this person or if it is because I will never understand him or if it’s simply that I cannot respect a person who from the beginning dictates how he wants a relationship.

He is looking for a 24/7. Fine. There is tons and tons written about the (im)possibilites of 24/7 and that is not really where I have my issues. My issues are with what I read. It is a man who want to be in a monogamous patriarchal relationship where he controls everything from what she will wear ’til he comes home in the evening and she take his coat, shoes, hangs it up and has dinner ready. If she is not compliant she will get punished, but he does not want someone who is insubordinate to get a punishment.
In other words, what some people describe as a 24/7 1950’s household.
I can definitely say that this is not an exception from other people’s kinks and wishes, but thankfully I noticed a reversed model, in which the mans role is completly reversed. But now, back to this wanker, who will get to be a model for everything that I will never, ever be able to poke even with a stick

Further wants from this man is that she likes to dress up, like to ‘be a woman’ and is ‘not too jealous’, and then you might be asking “WTF if wrong with that then?”

Well. I’m one of those who get turned on by thinking, reflective, responsible people. This is a man who talks in his diary how he grew up with mother and sister’s, how they always did everything around in the house (except for rare occasions when he ‘did a bit o a clean’) and clearly state that he want that kind of life again.
WTF! Is that a new mother he wants?
She must be faithful and monogamous but not too jealous. Because?
He also clearly say that he likes to go to the clubs where he does not need to dress up and a tiny small thing more. After listing loads and loads of movies that is about men shooting men, men dealing with wordly issues, men joking at the expense of every one except their own gender, etc, he say that he would prefer a sub/property that do like ‘good’ movies, not like ‘Pretty Woman’. His sunglasses are extremly ugly and trousers are illfitting, but still she must have ‘good taste’.

This is an example of the sort of wankers that flood mine, Silias and I guess many others existense. Especially if you happen to be someone who is read as a female.
The idiocracy in dictating all of this, and expect to be able to get away with is just because one is a dominant man is beyond my understanding. I will never, ever place my life in the hands of someone who has such little reflection of what he recreates every time he opens his sodding mouth. And I wished that more had higher demands. Call me patronizing, I do not care. His attitude is not about the ‘little’ narrow field that BDSM is in society, it is about structure and how day to day idiocracy allows these structures to live on.

He also talks about the beauty of his property, that being the woman he want to fiend to engage in a relationship. Claiming to be a gentleman he would always treat her well. But in all those beautiful words I do not believe the slightest. The concept of gentleman makes me want to throw up in the gentle mans knee.

She would be the treasure, the very loved and cared for person who find all her pleasure in pleasuring him. Fine. But hey, is this not also a notion that is both scary and annoying? First time J pointed it out to me I got mad and sad. But the fact is that there is a distinction between the male and female sub/ bottom/slave. That is worth. Most of the time the man is a worthless, wet maggot who is not worthy of even walking the ground, whereas a female is the treasure of the owner/top/dominant. Pedestals are dangerous things and I don’t believe in their functions unless they are created exactly for that purpose. But then one need to be aware of them… And still, even if they themselves (male sub) claim they are nothing worthy of mine or anyone else’s attention, well then they still can’t wait to suggest what I might want to do to them. I don’t know how many times it needs to be repeated.

My sexuality is for me and I choose whom I want to share it with.

I believe in being a treasure, being worthless, I believe in ev erything that people want to be, but I have a hard time trusting those who obviously recreating without thinking first.

The distance between claiming something immediately without thinking and letting every relation grow from a mutual, equal base is miles wide.

And this guy needs to take a good look around, maybe migrate back to 1950’s and then state all his demands…If it even worked then…

//

Ve

The ugly people vs autumn

SIlia:

I’m sorry. I’ll say it now in the beginning of the post so you know it. I’m terribly sorry. I have the most horrendous autumn depression, and have been battling demons for a couple of weeks. Hopefully the worst is now over. So, tada. I’m back.

So that you don’t loose confidence in me completely I’m gonna make a very short explanation about the depression. I’m sensitive to hormonal changes. Many people are. I had a great childhood, wasn’t even bullied that bad, everything has been abfab the whole time, but I still get depressed. And I get panic attacks, and I fall apart. I try (oh god I do try) to not do it in public, so then I have to lock myself in for a couple of weeks. So, don’t feel sorry for me and please do not start thinking I’m one of the sexually-abused-selfdestructive-now-gone-bdsm girls. Selfdestructive possibly. But no, no horrible abuse, nothing. Just sensitive. Thanks a bunch. Lets get on with this then bois and girlies.

The Ugly

Everytime I surf kink-communities it breaks my heart. Is this the people that will, for the rest of my life, try to sex me up? Am I stuck with these wallmart/jysk/coop/equivalent supermarket with clothes/furniture/food for people without taste/tastebuds-type of people? Is this it? Goddamnit! And when I think those thoughts, my sexuality dies a bit.

I’m shallow. I’m extremely horrible, bad and shallow. Why? Because I actually want to be turned on by the looks of the person who is shagging me. I feel it is degrading when some ugly* horrible flabby man/woman stands there with bad teeth and halitosis and ties me up and you know, fucks me.

It could definitely be a kink, this whole shagging-the-uglies. But I prefer to give power to some one who deserves it, both intellectually and physically. Else, it’s even more a play, it becomes horrible obvious that I’m all pretend. I don’t want that. I don’t want to feel disgust.

Yes, disgust. That is what I feel. I’m sorry, again, but I feel disgusted by these no-taste-no-brain people, especially when they start talking about SSC and alike. I feel so detached when someone I wouldn’t touch even if i got paid a million for it starts talking about safety precautions. In my world they wouldn’t ever need any safety precautions because they would never have any use for them.
Or, lets rephrase that. I don’t like when they start talking to me about sex and assume that the safety discussion is necessary come miracle and we would have sex. Read my lips: It wont happen. It seems like kink has become the safecard to pull for the uglies to get laid with the goodies. Instead of, for example, learn how to dress and talk, think, walk, behave and so on. “I look like crap and I haven’t bought new jeans (or my god, leather trousers) since 1995, but hey, I’m really good at shibari”. Look at my face: Does it in any way indicate sexual interest? Hey, you can even feel my panties if you want to. It doesn’t get drier. Welcome to desert land.

Or why not, here is a favourite, ugly people telling me they demand this and this and that of me. “You are a submissive, and to earn my domination you have to be willing to submit like this and this”. Thats interesting, now please go away. It’s annoying when anyone does that, but it’s even more annoying when it’s a damn ugly nobody who does it. Somewhere in the evil depths of my mind lurks the sentence “shut up, you should be grateful I’m even reading this”.

I need to respect the person I have sex with. I need to know that when we finished shagging, slapping and tying eachother to the bed, I’m gonna be able to have an interesting conversation with this person. I need to know that if I crash this person will pick me up, not pat me on the shoulder and go: Oh, SSC.
Yes, I’m playing connect the dots here. Ugly, tasteless person with no sence of social skills (because, if they had, they wouldn’t dress so damn bad) is not someone I think would suddenly turn into a person that actually knows how to pick me up. Yes, yes, please do bash me. Thats ok, this’s a rant after all.

Look at it this way: Someone who has a completely different lifestyle then you, do you think that person is fit to be your playpartner? Stop being politically correct: Do you seriously think that someone who is so far away from you as can be, would be able to understand you? No. Well, I work with design and spend my days discussing social structures. I write and I photograph. Do you seriously think that a person who spend their time working with trends would be able to get something out of someone who is blind when it comes to the same area?

Oh well. I guess I’ll have to go back to the vanilla pond.

*Ugly here means “with nothing interesting, not looks, not personality, nothing”. Ugly = not in any way attractive. Don’t pretend you are jesus, you have seen people like that too. Admit it, you don’t want to sleep with them.