Tag Archives: Gender Politics

Congratulations to Norway and some other important matters

First of all:

About a year ago, perves in Sweden were not to be considered sick anymore.
Now, it is Norways turn:

The Norwegian Directorate of Health has decided that certain diagnostic codes are now invalid in Norway, thus changing the Norwegian version of the international diagnoses register. (ICD-10)
The following diagnoses are taken out: fetishism, fetishistic transvestism, sadomasochism, multiple disorders of sexual preference, and transvestism.
– In our opinion there is no basis, neither in today’s societal norms nor in professional health thinking, to classify these diagnostic groups as disease, says head of the Health Directorate Bjorn-Inge Larsen. By excluding the use of these codes in Norway the Directorate wishes to contribute to the weakening of a general opinion that certain sexual preferences, sexual identities and gender expressions may be seen as states of illness.

The really interesting article can be found here

Congratulations Norway! The activism has given result, and joined Denmark and Sweden as being countries where you can be a healthy perv.

For those of you who need more proof of how stupidity reigns the world with weird methods, read this excellent wallraff article on how to ‘cure’ gay men. Amongst many things that will make you gay is your (neglecting or too neglecting) parents, Freemasons, sexual abuse or just in general not being in touch with oneself. I’m just telling you, if you had happened to have missed that.
To read more about exgay movement, Ex-gay watch and Beyond Ex-gay is a good place to start.
I also wrote a bit about the possibilities of a cross-over between ex-gay and ex-bdsm and how it could be manifested. That you can read about here.

One writer that always makes me feel something is Penny Red. She writes so eloquently and passionately about politics, feminism and a whole lot more that I go all mushy and sometimes teary-eyed. Writers like her are needed, voices like hers are needed.
Three of her latest pieces resonated strongly within me, one on the misogyny and racism hidden in the debate over the veil , one about trans-activism and also, very appropriately slamming the  Comment is Free-article by Simon Jenkins who is ‘defending‘ the pope (cause that ex-nazi, priest-peadophilia cover-upper needs sooooooo much defending…) in this excellent post ‘Does Simon Jenkins shit in the woods?’

That’s all for now folks.


Stuck in the essay-monster

While writing the last essay before X-mas, there is not very much time to post something proper, but instead, read this, a post about the problematic relationship between kink and gender. Or maybe even what problems with the structural relationship between gender looks like.

Both sides of the gender superiority thing construct a very narrow definition of womanhood. For a subculture where having breasts is no proof of your genetic gender, people are pretty quick to either thrust me up onto a pedestal for qualities I might not possess or put me down as a sheep in need of a firm hand. This can be pretty awkward in either respect because it’s a narrow box to shove slightly more than half the human population into.

Classically the people who believe in gynarchy say it’s because women are warm, empathetic and emotionally intelligent, bringing wisdom that will end wars. Men who say women are submissive point to their classic social position and need for protection, talking about evolutionary biology or theology, or maybe gorean psychology. They generally phrase things in terms of a yin/yang, with female deference not as an explicit proof of male superiority but part of the natural order of things, like plug into socket…..

So where do I, the visual spokesperson for my kink, fit into all of this? I want a master like I want another hole in my head, but I don’t want to top someone because they believe in extreme sexual dimorphism, I want it to be submission gently coaxed (or brutally conquered) because of who I personally am, with mutual respect. And not the yin/yang separate but equal role bullshit, either. Subs aren’t subbing because this is mystical; it’s a fetish where, unlike the people who love inanimate objects, luckily the object of my desire can love me back.

So I’ll leave you with those words and hope that I can get back to you all as soon as possible.


Ex-gay? Ex-dominant? Ex-switch?

You heard of the exgay movement? About the ex-sm movement? Take a look at this, but be warned, it is very painful.

This is slightly different than you might see in general from an ex-gay movement. This is a man who by his own choice wishes to stop being a pro-dom.  It is a story of a man who has been abused from the early start of his life, from bullying to living with his father who, according to him, had ‘deviant desires’, using dogs as sexual instruments on women, involving his son in pornographic movies, the son became a ‘lap dog’. The dad took his own life, and  the rest of this man’s story is one of abuse (rape, abuse from people he trusted, violence, etc). As the documentary goes on, it becomes clear for me as a viewer that this is exploitative documentary.

At one point Rick says, after some type of fisting session that involves removing feces from the bottom of the submissive, ‘This is all a part of the human cycle, don’t judge me’.
And I kinda don’t want to judge him. His past life catch up with him, and the grim reality of lonelyness is a harsh one. The harshest. And Rick is honest.  The documentary is called ‘Me and my slaves’ but it should be called ‘Me and my pain’. It is hard to watch a human being in pain.
This is him, trying to perform his own absolution saving himself. The christian concept of absolution,attracts to those who are in so much pain, to those who cannot see any way out of a life they consider as doomed.

“I’ve lost myself…I’ve given it up, there is nothing there that I can do.”

And for that, I will not go through the whole documentary here with you. There is so much to say about this man. But I’m already exploiting him enough.

In the movie Bruno, with Sasha Baron Cohen as the austrian fashionista/reporter/celebrity, there is a specific favorite part of mine He reaches a decision to become straight, because all of the other male celebrities in the U.S are straight.  So he finds someone who can make him straight.  This is in no way on the same levels of Rick, in terms of despair, but it still says a lot about those people who seek out or get forced in to the ex-gay movement. The despair felt, because ones sexual and emotional level is not on the same as the normative society’s. A  society that can punish you, shun you, kill you, ignore your very existence. What then does that mean, this whole regiment of becoming straight? By being around men and being socialised into becoming a straight man, not thinking about men in a sexual sense, the gay or bisexual man is supposed to become liberated from what is seen as a troublesome practice and instead find a woman to marry.Being gay according to the ex-gay movement is something that you choose to do, it’s a choice in terms of sexual practice, and this practice is wrong.  The impure thoughts of a broken individual that is becoming healed through therapy. For this movement, they do seem to have very little appreciation of  any possible emotional links to a person of the same sex, and if there is, they are taught and can be re-wired.
So here we are then. Bruno is going to be rewired. Or is he?

Can we apply the same concept to BDSMers? That we ‘are’ sadomasochists, that our bodies inhabit the lust as a essence and there is nothing more? What would that stance actually mean in terms of fighting for BDSM-rights, or queer rights? These are important questions. Is BDSM something that we are or something that we do? I can’t answer that for you, but this is where I am coming from.
My personal stance is that I am a queer person.  With certain tastes of sexual practices. I can’t define my self as a submissive or as a bottom.  Those are not a direct, linked part to my identity.  It’s something I do.  But also, by doing, I can reclaim it, bit by bit, becoming more, going further in to myself and getting to know parts of me. Parts that are not constant, but ever so changing. Parts that I maybe have not been able to reach.

I think I might be looking for something. I don’t know really what, and if there is ever a final point in which I can rest, or if I even want there to be one, but in the meantime, I can rest in those discoveries I’ve done about myself today, in this minute. It is not about being essential. It is about exploration and appropriation of feelings, practices and structures.


Here is a clip of one of the ways in which Bruno is supposed to become straight.

I know, I know, the mockery of the military is brilliant on so many levels but there is one more reason why I’m posting this. Because the ex-gay movement exist and it needs to be meet and challenged for what it is.

I don’t want to pass judgement on those who seek council in the hands on the ex-gay movement. We live in a world that is homophobic, sexist, racist, misogynist, etc, and it can be so fucking lonely. What I will pass judgement on is those who exploit the fears that they themselves manage to maintain.
They are, in short:

Utter Fucktards.

I’ve been bad


Daddy, I’ve been so bad. Not updating the blog…

No, not really. I’m just saying that all those updates I’m planning takes a bit more time than I thought. It’s worth waiting for, because we are going to be speaking about needles. We are going to look at a radical feminists argument against BDSM and pick it into pieces. And furthermore, in hopefully a not too distant future, more interviews with perverts.

So, what then?

First of all: did you know that keeping a slave makes you stay healthy?
Another site that is a bit better on keeping up to date is Island of Pain.
They report on the Sharon Warner Case, which is one of those brilliant, fucked up things that makes me sad, mad and frustrated.  I’m not going to try to put it better than it is already written:

Chavez, on the other hand, as the situation is described by Warner, seems to have mixed work ethics and lifestyle behaviour beyond what could be seen acceptable, even within the BDSM community. My opinion is that you are definitely on thin ice when you involve your graduate students in your lifestyle behaviour – Not moral reasons, but because certain dependencies issues are created, as the lines between work and lifestyle are blurred.

So, yeah, what is wrong with people who can’t see the power dynamics at play here?  Go ahead and be as kinky as you want, but let’s dwell for one second on consent. Consent, power and trust.  Thinking about those terms, that we are often playing with and then just not realising the implications of involving your students is just plain stupid. No one is judged yet, but I don’t care and have a really hard time feeling sorry for Chavez. Furthermore, as it’s said in the comments, this is not about kink. It could be, but it’s not about kink-rights.

Another stupidity is Julie Bindel’s latest rant on how horrible the trans-people are, or rather, the mutilation and distortion of gender that they portray; as well as how loud and threatening they are.  I can’t feel sorry for her. At all. She has been advocating many a important issues, but not understanding that her stance on transgendered people is so insensitive and out of touch is deserving of the award ‘Nutter of the week’.

Moving on to something completley else; the fact that we know nothing or very little about HPV (human papilloma virus). Poundcake explains it very clearly and it is indeed important to keep updated about all of these things. I want to stay healthy and do regular check-ups about every half year. It feels like a  total overhaul, like beeing a car that goes in on service. And even though I am careful it is always nervous doing the three-minute HIV test.

Tomorrow, at Trafalgar Square there will be a candle light vigil for Ian Baynham, who died after an attack in the end of september.
There will also be a march against homophobia in Liverpool, sometime in the end of November, following after recent homophobic attacks.


And a very hardhitting blog-entry on how the case is still not won in regards to LGBTQI-rights can be found here.

The female Oh-gasm

Hi, I know, Sorry, haven’t written for a while. I sort of started another blog that isn’t as secret as this one and sort of started writing there instead. Mostly about religion.

But right now I’m listening to a documentary about the female orgasm, and I felt like making a short contribution.

It’s interesting, because even if we are sort of equal now, and even though everybody knows that the female orgasm exists, people still seem to think that the female orgasm is harder to achieve than the male. This isn’t true. At all. It takes about four minutes for a female to reach orgasm when DIYing, it’s the same amount of time it takes for a male. What makes the female orgasm harder to reach, more elusive and all that BS, is that we have constructed our sex around the male perspective. The focus is still on vaginal penetration, one of the hardest ways to reach orgasm, if not assisted by clitoral stimulation (bar blow jobs, but you know what I mean.).

I know I’m one of those who have a really hard time to reach orgasm during sex with another person. Autoerotically, I get annoyed if I only get one, and usually get three. Yes, I do multiples on my own. But with another person involved, I can’t. This has nothing to do with inability physically. It’s all in my brain. It’s probably about techniques, but the mind is in the way for even getting that far. I know everything about everything that is to know about sex, but I cannot relax. Not that far. No. This is seriously sad.

I know one reason for this: I seldom take my time to actually get horny before I have sex. I have a hard time taking control over my own sexlife, I don’t want to be the driving force. This combined with all these heaps of men who actually don’t care about your orgasm, especially not if they have theirs first. I did have some great sex last weekend, with a guy who took the time to kiss me enough to make my knees weak. That worked. I didn’t orgasm, but I was closer then usual. I think that this guy might make me relax enough to let me actually explore, get horny, and have that damn orgasm.

I admire and envy all you who just orgasm away just like that, who can be that confident. I can’t. But give me a couple of years and I’ll join you. 🙂

I’ll be back in a week, I need to rant about the hymen myth aswell.

Gok? Gok my cock!

Latest news when it comes to stupidity and television is Miss Naked Beauty. Gok Wan, presenter of ”How to look good naked” (which has it’s own version on Swedish television) will now front a new show in

the definite search for a natural beauty icon to represent Britain in 2008 and challenge the fake, distorted and plastic images of female beauty bombarding us”.
Now, I know that the some people will argue that this is not too bad, that the representation is so fucked up that we need something else. I could actually agree with this, but on the other hand, there is so many things that I do not agree with. This makes me think that this show is the uttermost sexistic bullshit, far worse that the ones who are at least not trying to have a mission. Those who don’t hide themselves behind nice words and are perfectly upfront with their ignorance. Yes, I am quite a judgmental person, so sue me.

Why do I think like this then? Well, let’s have a think. Who is it that always need to be something else in order to be anyone at all? Who is seen as a doll that is supposed to be dressed up, cut into, take the wrong clothes off and put the right ones on?
Yes, I think you know the answer. Women. And now someone will probably argue that men suffer from this to, and I won’t say no to that. But in this case, comparing industries and possibilities between men and women, it is easy to come to a conclusion about who actually has the power. My reason for being a feminist is not that one sex is better than the other, or that one gender should rule over another. The whole idea about liberating sexes and genders is not to stress that one image is better than the other, that one ideal or expression is preferable. And there we also find a liberating movement for men, men who actually feel that they cannot play the game of the perfect man, with one foot in the quicksand of masculinity and one foot in the trap of “metrosexuality”. Be a man, but not too much, be sensitive, but not to sensitive. How the fuck is anyone supposed to be able to juggle that?

The whole thing can be about being able to choose ideals, to choose expressions, to choose images and, in my oh so humble opinion, also to be represented. Be seen and acknowledged for what you say that you are.

Choose and flip between voices, lust, expressions, ideas, feelings and not have to conform in a very narrowminded way just because you body happen to be shaped in a certain way.
Miss Naked Beauty suggests that clothes and makeup is the sickness, but it is just one of the symptoms that show what we always or just now value the most.

Trends go up and down, following deep structures and reveals many patterns, some of them unexpected, but what they most of all have in common is about excluding.
Who is it then that we actually exclude, make into outlaws? Is it as simple as the look for now states that a certain type of body is in fashion and therefor all other bodies are banned? Not really, there will always be bodies and looks that does not fit into the direct fashion and they will always be more or less accepted. What’s mostly recognizable is that the bodies that are always spit upon are the ones that are to much. To be seen or not is a very mighty thing and when one is very visible because of body, expressions, attitude, voice or other characteristics, there is a certain something that start to click in peoples heads.

I want to explain to you a very swedish expression, that constantly comes up, especially in discussions about feminism, gender and sexuality. Have not come across it yet in the U.K, but please tell me if I may be wrong and point me in the right direction. I suspect there must be something. This expression is closely linked with being to much. The Whore and the Madonna. The idea that a woman is either a Whore or a Madonna, or that she has to be both, but just a Whore in the bedroom and then a Madonna everywhere else. She is judged, weather she is to much of a Madonna, then she is frigid, is she to sexual, then she is the useless and used-up Whore. This twisted thing is very close especially to young teenage women who struggle to find themselves and their own person in a often rough school-environment. They are watched closely, not just by themselves, but by other female and male friends. Early this women and men learn what you are supposed to be, or most important, what you are not supposed to be.

Therefor, the woman who is to outspoken or the man who is preferring to let others speak but himself are seen as very strange. We carry this images with us all our lives, and in the end, the ones who suffer for it, are those who do not fit in. And there is so many of these people. Some of them can “pass”. Acting can be good, learing social skills are even better, but if there is a part of you that want to dress in outrageous outfits, have a different sexual expression (including non at all), make different choices in life and this can’t be done or be acknowledged, then you can feel pretty much fucked, in a very not-pleasing way. Or even worse, meet violence, harassment and other consequences, both from state and society.

Anyhow, the sexual woman is still an issue, because a womans sexuality is not hers, and men, well, honestly. There is not much out there helping you. Either one don’t come or come to fast, or can’t find the right places, and there is so many new things to try out, you better do all of that, otherwise he or she will get bored. And btw, she is not enjoying herself to much is she? Liking the dildo more than her partner? Be afraid, be very afraid! And then the women and the men who could not care less about the opposite gender or any gender at all?!

In the same way as this is an issue, the woman who chooses her own expression and do not give a monkeys about the rules and regulations is also judged.

I don’t want the picture of the “bad” or “good” woman, don’t want to see more things about how you should dress in order to fulfill the idea about how one body is best if it conforms to these shapes. Lots of makeup is apparently really bad, aswell as to revealing clothes. I’m sitting with the an article that sparked a bit of anger infront of me, and I’m looking at the pictures illustrating what is natural and what is not. The picture of the “sexed-up” women is with loads of makeup, big hair, expressive poses and revealing clothes. What get’s me then is the next picture where they are supposed to be natural. Natural is a crap word, cause they are almost as fixed as the other pictures, the only difference is that the props are not the same. I can’t see individuals anymore, can’t see an expression, they are still standing there, but with less attitude, less power, covering their breats and with their backs hunched.  Comparing that to what would be the implicated “wrong” looks of the other pictures, they seem to be even more passive, perfect, fragile women. Not human beings, but women firstly. The extremes of the looks of the other photo is also for me quite triggering, they look directly at me with a lot more chutzpah.  Chutzpah that could probably make some people uneasy, because of just that.

I’m not saying that either of these roles are the better,and don’t think it’s up to anyone to do this. But there it is again, the created and modified natural beauty against the created and modified “easy” or “sexed up” or “distorted” Which fucking picture is it that really is distorted?



Singing a tune that never ends…

There is so much out there to read. Blogs, internetmags, loads and loads. Sometimes we may come over something that is just so very good that we want to pass it on.  So we do.

SM-feminist is one of my regular weekly readings and one of the “Songs that never ends” is the one that is about women and sexuality.  Or more so, women who have a sexuality but according to some feminists are playing in the hands of men. Trinity at SM-feminist writes about this.

Apparently it’s not just me submitting that is a problem, but also everytime I top I’m doing men a favour and keep on manifesting structures. Or not.