Tag Archives: the lost big O

I’m all tied up at the moment

The story about the bound hugfriend:

He is quite dominant, my hugfriend. So I tied him up. Not really like that maybe, but basically.

I’m not the ma/ist/e/ress of ropes at all, and he isn’t either, so I figured we should play around and workshop a bit in a nonsexual way to see what we could accomplish with our 10 metres of rope. Turns out that “nonsexual” was not one of the things.

I started out tying his feet together and attaching that to a rope I then attached to a leg in each corner of the bed (two lower corners, you know). He couldn’t move much, but a little. There was enough space though for me to put a knee between his thighs and force his legs apart (fun!). After checking he got blood to his feet and everything was tied securely enough I tied up his arms in a way that he could get out of with a little work, but that would feel sturdy enough. Took some work, but I had a lot of fun (fun!). Turned out he had to. Or well, fun might not be the right word here. But he did like it. I never heard anyone so angrily ask pretty please to get to fuck me.

Had fun, got a bit unsecure about my role and dropped out of dommie headspace, loosened up the knots. Then my turn. He tied me up in some strange kneebending way that was actually both quite comfy and good, I was impressed. And much closer to a good subspace than I’ve been with anyone in ages. Interesting change is that when he untied me, I was the opposite of what I would have thought. I wasn’t all Oh THANK you LORD mighty HUGFRIEND of supersexay sir whatever, but what I said was “I’m not finished, fuck me with your hand, now”. And he said “oh, ok”. And there was light (possibly fireworks). I came out of subspace into a new and improved silia deluxe. I sort of liked that. I usually never asks for things sexually, but I realized that if I want those orgasms, I better tell. Even if he gives them often enough, I can’t just wait around like some christian girl hoping jesus will fulfill her wishes anyway. If the prophet isn’t coming to the mountain, the mountain will have to shape up and move it’s ass to the prophet.

Good night it was anyway. And I’m gonna think about it for a while longer, since it’s a month until I see him again and I just can’t bring myself to go out and pick up random person for sex in the meantime. I’m getting old and lazy.
Speaking of no sex for me, anybody have any good altporn links?


The female Oh-gasm

Hi, I know, Sorry, haven’t written for a while. I sort of started another blog that isn’t as secret as this one and sort of started writing there instead. Mostly about religion.

But right now I’m listening to a documentary about the female orgasm, and I felt like making a short contribution.

It’s interesting, because even if we are sort of equal now, and even though everybody knows that the female orgasm exists, people still seem to think that the female orgasm is harder to achieve than the male. This isn’t true. At all. It takes about four minutes for a female to reach orgasm when DIYing, it’s the same amount of time it takes for a male. What makes the female orgasm harder to reach, more elusive and all that BS, is that we have constructed our sex around the male perspective. The focus is still on vaginal penetration, one of the hardest ways to reach orgasm, if not assisted by clitoral stimulation (bar blow jobs, but you know what I mean.).

I know I’m one of those who have a really hard time to reach orgasm during sex with another person. Autoerotically, I get annoyed if I only get one, and usually get three. Yes, I do multiples on my own. But with another person involved, I can’t. This has nothing to do with inability physically. It’s all in my brain. It’s probably about techniques, but the mind is in the way for even getting that far. I know everything about everything that is to know about sex, but I cannot relax. Not that far. No. This is seriously sad.

I know one reason for this: I seldom take my time to actually get horny before I have sex. I have a hard time taking control over my own sexlife, I don’t want to be the driving force. This combined with all these heaps of men who actually don’t care about your orgasm, especially not if they have theirs first. I did have some great sex last weekend, with a guy who took the time to kiss me enough to make my knees weak. That worked. I didn’t orgasm, but I was closer then usual. I think that this guy might make me relax enough to let me actually explore, get horny, and have that damn orgasm.

I admire and envy all you who just orgasm away just like that, who can be that confident. I can’t. But give me a couple of years and I’ll join you. 🙂

I’ll be back in a week, I need to rant about the hymen myth aswell.

The natdoms need me!

Silia (I’ll use this indicator until we got the CSS right, so you can be sure who is writing):
Yes, this might sound a bit strange, but dominant men of the sort “it’s natural” actually needs me. Quite a lot.

Why? Well, first of all, I’m a female submissive. I’m the one they are trying to tie up just to shove their tiny penises into my mouth, thinking they are deep throating me when really they barely go pass the teeth. Yup, thats me. I’m the one they think of at night and I’m the one they hope to see on the next bdsm-themed house party and I’m the one that’d look so cute collared and I’m the one that needs a man in my life to understand that my true place is in the kitchen, by the stove, giving birth.

And then again, I’m not. Because while wandering the long dark corridors of the internet, it seems like I’m the one female submissive who actually just want to bitch slap these males around a bit. Otherwhise the natdoms would have learned how to behave, right? It can’t just be that they aren’t listening? No, please, say it aint so. Don’t tell me that my kink is god damn full of idiots with no insight in feminism, gender issues or, for that: fashion.

Look at them! Leather trousers, beards and those silly vests or ugly old t-shirts. I rather have vanilla for the rest of my life then even look at one of them again! Sometimes I think about holding classes, or seminars on about how to dress for them. I mean, i have somewhat of a kink for luxury combined with filth, you know, champange, smeared lipstick, cocaine and gangbangs, that sort of stuff. Now, if you reread that sentence, can you see anywhere in there where it says “biker”?
I want the doms to be good looking guys with good looking clothes, good looking shoes and good damn looking haircuts. I have only one rule in my life (I had quite a few more, but I kinda broke them and gave up), and here it is: I do not mercy-fuck.
And If you dress like the stereotype of natdoms, trust me, the closest to consent you’d ever get from me, is pity.

Why do men think that to look manly, they have to look like they time travelled from some white trash suburb in 1997? I see the whole thing as a way of exposing insecurity, because if you were such a “real man” and such a “natural dominant” you wouldn’t need to show it off by looking like, yeah, white trash.

This is like the whole business of SSC. People that all the time shout and scream about the fact they live by the rules of SSC makes me feel damn uneasy. Well, I do too, but since I do, I do not have any need of telling everyone the whole time. People that do tell feels like the people who will use this as an argument if they break it: “no, i can’t do anything wrong, you know how much I’m for SSC”.

What scares me maybe the most, is natdoms that go for the whole look, talks a lot about SSC and likes to have a woman who knows her place. I asked one of them once, “So, if my place is above you..?”. He didn’t get it. He started talking about the importance of getting to know eachother before starting to behave according to D/s, and blahblah, but he went on assuming that every womans place: Was below him. He seemed like a guy who actually had about no one below him, and quite a few above. About the rest of the planet actually.

On the other hand, there’s lots of femsubs who likes this. That wants to sleep with ugly, fat men with micropenises. At least it seems like it. So maybe it’s me, maybe I should stop whining and get rid of my kinks all together.

I wanted to write “it’s gonna be hard to find someone who both dress nice and fucks good”, then I realized that I haven’t found anyone that dresses bad and fucks good either. The dom (not natdoms, i do not fraternize with the enemy) guys I have played or had sex with (or both) have all been living in that same bubble, where Penis is compulsory and Clitoris is an extra.
I actually talked to one of them about this and he said “But you can’t expect me to stimulate it all the time”.. Well, I’m tied up, so I can’t really do it myself now can I?
He figured that over the course of half a year, he came almost every time we had sex, and I sucked his penis every damn time, but I should be happy with my four (4) orgasms and that he went down on me twice.
For some reason this was supposed to be enough for me and I should be happy that he cared at all.
And this from a guy that was quite caring and nice. He just didn’t understand that excluding my orgasms was equivalent of excluding his. Something that would never cross his mind.

After that I decided to stop giving blowjobs. It’s just not interesting anymore. And frankly, I don’t like it that much. See what you did, dominant guys! It’s all your fault!